86 | Unaligned or just uncomfortable?

Speaker: 00:00:03

I am Alex, and you're listening to The Mindful With Media Podcast.

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A little while ago, I had a launch

that didn't go as I had hoped,

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and I was processing this launch

with my coach Amber Smith and.

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And I think I used to think that if I

was living aligned or making an aligned

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choice, then it should feel good.

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And then vice versa as well.

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If something felt uncomfortable,

then it must be unaligned for

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me and my personal strengths and

values and priorities at that time.

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But this distinction between

something being unaligned.

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Versus something being uncomfortable has

been so interesting for me to think about.

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And as a side note, I've been spending

more time completely off of social

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media, which I feel like I already have

some pretty solid phone boundaries.

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And so I didn't think it would

make that much of a difference, but

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it's, it is interesting just how

clear and open my mind is when I'm.

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I'm not consuming any social media that

I just love the things that I think about

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when I don't have any of that influence.

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But kind of back to this, what

I've been thinking about with

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unaligned versus uncomfortable,

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I was trying to think of some

examples and they're actually.

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So, so, so, so many things that I do

in my life that are uncomfortable,

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but feel aligned and, and I feel like

especially at the beginning, is when

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they feel the most uncomfortable.

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And so I think posting on Instagram

is a perfect example of that.

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Sharing my thoughts and

my ideas with the world.

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It is so uncomfortable,

especially at the beginning.

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It feels so vulnerable and so

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yeah, it just can feel very.

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Vulnerable to share ideas.

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And I will say you, this is kind of a

distinction I distinction I'm noticing

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right now is if I'm getting caught up

in the right way to share my ideas and

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I'm trying to do the right hook and

the right video editing and the do it

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in a way that will make people buy or

whatever it is that feels misaligned,

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whereas.

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Still posting to share my

ideas and posting to sell and

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posting to, yeah, to sell.

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But if I am, yeah, still

sharing vulnerable ideas and

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selling online.

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That can still feel uncomfortable,

but if I do it in a way that feels

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aligned, that just feels different.

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Another example that came to mind of

something that feels uncomfortable

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but feels aligned is creating offers

and asking people to buy them.

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And kind of related to posting on

Instagram, like the way that I.

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Sell offers can feel unaligned or

unal can feel aligned or unaligned,

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even if both ways are uncomfortable.

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Like, I feel like unaligned ways of

selling for me personally are like MLM

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style or like, oh, I know, like I've

seen a lot of posts about, if I get

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this many comments or views or likes or

something like that, then we can go on

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a, my husband said we could go on a trip

to somewhere or something like that.

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Like that does not feel aligned

for me and that does not feel

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comfortable to post either.

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Yeah, there are just like

certain ways of selling online

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that do not resonate with me.

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A lot of like.

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Selling certain outcomes or promising

certain things doesn't feel aligned,

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but there are ways that feel aligned

that are actually really uncomfortable.

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I think the first thing that comes to

mind is posting about an offer over and

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over and over and over and over, and

over and over again, and again and again.

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That can feel really uncomfortable.

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And that feels aligned because I've

seen and in the past, and I trust that

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continually moving forward, that it

takes people a lot of times learning

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about my offers, being exposed to my

offers, seeing my offers to make a

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decision on if it's a good fit for them.

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And.

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It does serve them and

help them in the long run.

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And so I can get in my head about

nobody likes this, nobody likes me,

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nobody wants what I have to offer.

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You know, I could get

in those mindsets, but.

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I can choose to continually show

up even if it feels uncomfortable,

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and that feels aligned for me.

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I think also being on a call with someone

or Vox ring with someone who I think

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would be a really good fit as a one-on-one

client and telling them that that can

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feel uncomfortable to tell someone that,

and it feels aligned when it's the right

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thing, when they really are a good fit.

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When.

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Yeah, when it, when it

feels like the right thing.

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And a lot of it does

depend on context too.

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So like urgency, whether that's

like limited number of spots

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or like a, what's that called?

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Like a timer, like, like closing doors,

you know, like this sense of urgency.

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Sometimes that feels really aligned

and sometimes it doesn't, and.

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It just kind of depends on the

the offer, who it's for, who I

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created it for, things like that.

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Something else that came to mind

that feels aligned but feels

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uncomfortable is either saying no

to things or holding boundaries,

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and this doesn't necessarily apply.

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Just a business.

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This applies to other relationships

and I am an Enneagram nine, and so this

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is like the classic people blazer, and

so that's something that I've really

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had to work through that it might

feel really uncomfortable to hold a

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boundary or say no to something, and

it can feel like the right thing to do.

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Also like a lot of healthy habits.

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So I often wake up and run at six in the

morning, and that is not comfortable.

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It does not feel comfortable

to get up that early or to

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push my body in those ways.

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And yet it also feels aligned and like

it's what I want, and it, it, it's like.

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It's what I want long

term and short term too.

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I get a high after running,

but it, it feels aligned.

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But also I am just coming out of the

first trimester of pregnancy and I

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could have kept forcing myself to get

up and run and I did occasionally, but.

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And that was uncomfortable,

but it did not feel aligned.

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It didn't feel like what was

best for my body, my family,

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the baby, all those things.

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And so that's the same choice, you know,

getting up and running in the morning.

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And during one season it was

uncomfortable and felt aligned.

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And during another season it was

uncomfortable, still uncomfortable,

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and did not feel aligned anymore.

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Something else that's also related to

this concept of like, it can change

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depending on your circumstances, on

your priorities, on your season of life.

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So if you listen to my podcast from

a year ago, maybe even more recently

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than that, I talk a lot about

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basically

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having.

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Chill, relaxed time with my kids,

especially if my friends are there too.

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It was almost always the first priority,

so even if I had designated time to

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work, but we had that opportunity, I

would almost always choose playing,

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relaxing with my kids and friends.

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Because work almost always came as a

second priority to that time with my kids.

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And things have shifted.

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Things are changing for me and

my business because now I am the

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primary provider in our family.

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And this doesn't mean

that I'm like, totally.

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Kicking everything to the curb, like I'm

still only working about 15 hours a week

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so that I can still have hours and hours

to play with my kids, but I can't just

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skip designated work time like I used to.

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Or if I do, I, I have to stay up

later to fulfill responsibilities,

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which is something else that's a.

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Priority for me is getting enough

sleep and going to bed fairly early.

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And so it can be uncomfortable when we're

having a really fun time at the park.

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Or someone will text and say

they're going to the park in the

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afternoon if we wanna join them.

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It can feel really uncomfortable

to say, you know what, like I've

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committed to, either I'll have a

call with a client or I've committed

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to get some work done to say.

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No to those things that can be

uncomfortable to say no to playing

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with my kids, but it for this season,

it feels aligned to prioritize

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those 15 hours of work each week

because of what I want most.

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And my priority right now is making enough

to support our family during this unique

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season where with my husband's health.

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And so I've just kind of been

thinking about, you know, how do you,

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how do you find, how, how do you

determine if something is aligned or

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how do you determine if something is

unaligned, like it's not a good fit

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for you, or if it's just uncomfortable.

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And my first thought

is just the gut check.

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And depending on your religious beliefs,

you might call this your inner voice,

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the Holy Spirit, God, the Holy Ghost.

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But really just asking God or yourself,

is this just uncomfortable or is it

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actually not aligned for me right now?

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Some other questions that

can be helpful to consider if

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you're trying toter, determine.

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If it really is unaligned or if it's

just uncomfortable, what do I want?

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Not just now, but most?

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Is there a different way I could get

this same result that feels more aligned?

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What do I value?

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What are my priorities right now?

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Does this match that?

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And then I was starting to think about.

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You know, if you do feel like, okay,

this is aligned, but it still feels

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really uncomfortable, how do you move

forward and handle that discomfort?

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And I realized that I could do a whole

podcast on this topic specifically.

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And so for now, if you have something

that's coming to mind, whether it's trying

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to discern, if whether, you know, this

could be so many things, this could be.

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Like what you want from your business.

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You know, maybe you're trying to balance

business and caregiving, or you know,

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how much time you want to be working

on your business, or maybe you're

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making just choices about how you want

to be making money in your business.

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You know, like what kind

of offers you want to run.

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Or even something that's not

totally focused on your business.

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It could be.

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A relationship that you're working

through with someone or a boundary you're

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trying to hold or set, whatever it is.

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If you've decided, well, one, if

you're trying to decide if it feels

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unaligned or uncomfortable, I'm

happy to walk you through that.

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But also, if you have decided that it

feels aligned, but you're still trying

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to navigate the the discomfort that comes

with it, I would love to chat with you.

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Just send me a DM on

Instagram or send me an email.

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Instagram is the Alex Fails email

is alex@mindfulwithmedia.com

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and let's chat about it.

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That's all I have for

you today on this topic.

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So yeah, just, just be mindful of

are you avoiding things because you

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think they're unaligned or not right

for you, or are you avoiding them

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because they're a little uncomfortable?

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And that can, that can be challenging

as a human to do something

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when it feels uncomfortable.

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And we'll talk to you next week.