32 | Expect and Embrace Mistakes

Speaker: 00:00:00

Kenneth Rooks is a runner for BYU.

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And recently he was in a race.

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He was running the steeple chase.

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And.

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He fell.

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Which is a huge deal in a race.

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If you fall, like you just

lose so much momentum.

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Anyways.

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He ends up.

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Getting back up.

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And winning the race , Rooks

says about his experience.

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The person in front of me stumbled

and made it difficult for me to

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get my bearings on the hurdle.

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I just wasn't able to

get over it and I fell.

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Things happen that you can't control.

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But there's more to this story that

I'm going to be sharing later in

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this episode, because today we're

going to be talking about expecting.

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And embracing mistakes.

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And why this is so important

and so powerful in your life.

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Do you ever find yourself turning to your

phone without even thinking about it?

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Or do you get sucked into

scrolling and regret not using

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that time for something else?

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You are not alone.

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I'm Alex, a Screen Time Mentor for

Young Moms, and I'm here to help you

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get a grip on your own screen time

so you can be present, intentional,

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and live a more fulfilling life.

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Welcome to the Mindful With Media Podcast.

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Welcome today's podcast

episode is possibly the most

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important pop cast episode.

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You'll listen to of all the ones that

I've released, because this is key,

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not only for mastering your phone use.

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But really for all parts of your life.

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So, as I shared earlier, Kenneth

Brooks is a BYU runner and.

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And our race earlier this year, he fell.

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And then he ends up coming back

and winning the whole race, which

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is just so crazy, but something

really interesting about this, the

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story of Rooks running this race.

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Is that.

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Two weeks before this race, he

had also fallen during a training.

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And he says this.

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I guess the Lord was looking out

for me and helped me prepare.

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I had a plan in place that if I

fell, I would get up and work my

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way slowly to get back to the pack.

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Because a quick burst of energy afterwards

to try and catch back up right away.

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Might have burnt me out.

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So basically.

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Instead of getting right back up and

sprinting to try to catch the crowd

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again, like the other runners, he just

slowly made his way back to the pack.

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And.

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He had planned this.

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He knew exactly what he was going to do.

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If he fell in the race and he did end

up falling and then he had a plan.

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And then because of

that, he was able to win.

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I'm a runner.

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So I just love this story so much.

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But I also love it because

of how it applies to my life.

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And especially my phone use.

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Just like Rooks said about his

experience with falling in this race.

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There are things that are

outside of your control that are

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going to impact your phone use.

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Your kids are going to

have really rough days.

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You are going to be up

all night with your kids.

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You're going to get sick.

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You're just things that are

going to impact how you.

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Use your phone.

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And you will make mistakes.

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You will not be perfect with

how you manage your phone.

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Use.

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And so instead of.

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When you fall, either just giving up.

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Or trying to sprint back and

get back to where you were.

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It's important to have a plan in place

for what you're going to do when you.

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You're not perfect with

how you use your phone.

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And I use that word.

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Perfect.

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There's no such thing

as perfect phone use.

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What I really mean is using your phone

in a way that you want to, because

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as I've mentioned in past episodes,

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well, I really care about is using my

phone in a way that aligns with my values.

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That helps me live a life that I

love instead of makes me feel blah,

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or makes me feel really down or

just all of those negative things

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that can come from our phone news.

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So.

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When it comes to.

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Being intentional with your phone use.

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It's so important to expect.

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And embrace mistakes So let's talk

about why this is such an important step.

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What goes on in your brain when

you change your mindset around

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embracing and expecting mistakes.

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So a little bit of brain science.

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I'm no.

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Neuroscientists, but I am fascinated

by the brain and how it works.

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So when you make a mistake, when

you make an error, this signals to

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the rest of your nervous system,

that something needs to change.

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So the next time you do that same

thing, your body will automatically,

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without you doing anything, be

more focused and more alert.

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And we saw this happen with

Kenneth Brooks in his race.

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Right.

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So two weeks before his race, he.

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Fell.

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And then.

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Because of that.

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He was able to perform so much

better in his race because he

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had already made that mistake.

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And so his body, even if he hadn't

done anything, even if he hadn't

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consciously thought about it, His body.

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Would already automatically

be more focused and more alert.

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So errors actually help

you learn much faster.

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So it's better to make mistakes

and be imperfect with your phone

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use because you'll actually.

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Actually., improve your

phone habits faster,

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so there's something.

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That happens in our brain when

we make a mistake and it's

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called the E R N response.

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And . If you are already doing

something well, then there are no new.

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Connections in your brain.

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But when you make a mistake, then your

brain has to make a new connection

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between two different things.

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So it literally grows your brain.

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When you make a mistake, when you're

imperfect with your phone use.

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And this applies to any

part of life, right?

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So when you start trying to do something

new, let's say you have this vision of

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how you want to be in the future, whether

that's the way that you use your phone, or

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maybe it's any other aspect of your life.

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As you start working towards that.

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It will feel like you.

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Are getting worse and it's really

uncomfortable and you make a lot of

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mistakes and you're really clumsy

and just not very good at it.

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But as you push through that,

Discomfort and you keep working at it.

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You.

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We'll eventually get there.

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And.

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Again, these errors, making

mistakes will help you learn faster.

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So let's.

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Look at an example of this in my own

life, I used to scroll on Instagram

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most nights before I fell asleep, often

just a few minutes would turn into hours

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and I was exhausted of living this way.

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I just felt blah, and

I felt out of control.

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I felt lazy.

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I felt undisciplined.

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I felt fatigued and I was determined

to change my phone habits.

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So I started charging my

phone across the room.

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And it worked great until one night

I was so tired that I kept my phone

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by my bed instead of plugging it in.

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But even though I was exhausted, I

automatically picked up my phone with

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the intention of scrolling for just

a few minutes before I fell asleep.

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But suddenly I realized

what was happening.

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I was scrolling Instagram.

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I was feeling really blah, and out of

control and lazy and undisciplined and

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fatigued and all of those things again.

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And I thought to myself, I have

got to get a grip on my phone use.

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And I had said this to myself.

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So many times already, but I just

kept continuing in this cycle.

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And here's why.

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When you expect yourself to be

perfect with your phone use.

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The results actually backfire you

subconsciously blame yourself.

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Which creates shame.

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And then when you feel shame, this

inspires more mindless phone use.

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So instead I started getting

excited when I made a mistake.

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I saw it as an opportunity to

learn what my mind and my body

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were trying to communicate to me.

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So using this same example, the

next time that I found myself

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scrolling Instagram for way longer

than I wanted to, I got excited.

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I literally said out loud to myself.

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Ooh, this is exciting.

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Then I commented on what was

happening with so much compassion

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and without shaming myself, simply

observing from a factual perspective.

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I'm mindlessly scrolling

Instagram instead of sleeping.

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I wonder why I might be doing this.

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Is there something I'm avoiding?

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Is there something that I need right now?

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If this happens again,

what could I do next time?

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Are there any changes that I can

make to make it easier for myself?

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To not mindlessly scroll Instagram

right before I fall asleep.

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So, do you see how approaching

your imperfect phone use with

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excitement and compassion and

curiosity is so much more effective.

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The next time you find yourself using your

phone in a way that you don't really want

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to, you can follow these same three steps

first, get excited, just changing the way

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that you see your mistake as a way to.

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Learn and to grow and to realize that

your brain is making new connections.

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And this is a good thing.

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I can totally change.

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The way you are that you'll

use your phone the next time.

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The second step is to

comment on what is happening.

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I'm on Instagram, even though I

hadn't scheduled to go on right now.

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And then the third step is to get curious.

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So for example, I must be confused about

the best way to spend my time right now.

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I think I'm feeling overwhelmed

by all the different things that

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I want to get done right now.

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So I think , I got on

Instagram as a buffer.

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And in episode 29 of the

podcast, I talked about.

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What to do when you're in a hard place

emotionally when it comes to your phone

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use, because usually when you turn

to your phone, it's because you're

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avoiding an uncomfortable emotion.

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Sometimes a basic uncomfortable emotion

and sometimes something a lot deeper.

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And so.

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No matter what the emotion is.

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If you listen to episode 29, I walk

you through what to do in that moment,

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with those, with those hard emotions.

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I think that's something that.

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We are all learning how to do, and it's

a lifelong process of learning how to

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cope with emotions in healthy ways.

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So next time you find yourself

using your phone in a way that

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you don't want to, whether that's.

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Mindlessly scrolling Instagram, or

maybe you got on Instagram with a

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purpose, but then you got distracted.

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And this doesn't even have

to be with your phone, right?

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Maybe you were planning to.

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Organize your pantry.

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That's something that I don't like to do.

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And my sister-in-law just came over

the other night and did it for me.

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And I'm so grateful.

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Anyways, maybe you're.

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You want it to be doing

something and you find yourself.

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Avoiding, whatever that

task is instead of.

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Shame yourself for it.

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Literally say out loud.

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Ooh, this is exciting and get

excited because this means that your.

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Body and your behaviors are communicating

something to you that there's some

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valuable information waiting for you.

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So remember these three steps.

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As soon as you realize what's going on.

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Get excited.

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Name what's going on and then get curious.

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And if you need help, kind of taking

the next steps of applying this

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concept to your life specifically.

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I'm going to be opening up a few spots.

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For free Voxer coaching.

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And if you don't know what Voxer

is, it's just an messaging app.

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So basically we can do text or voice

message on this app and I can kind of

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help you apply these bigger concepts

that I share in my podcast episode.

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To your specific situation.

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And if you're interested in that, don't

hesitate to DM me on Instagram or send

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me an email@alexatmindfulwithmedia.com.

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As always we are in this together.

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I'm right here with you.

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Make it a great week.