Episode 40

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Published on:

7th Feb 2024

40 | Internalizing Your Inherent Value

It is so easy to subconsciously believe that your value comes from your education, your talents, your productivity, the cleanliness of your home, your obedience, how you look, or so many other things. In this episode I share 5 tools I repeatedly use to internalize the truth that my value is inherent.

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Episode 6: How to Be a Happier Version of Yourself by Spending More Time Outside

Episode 15: How to Be Unproductive and Be Okay with It


Transcript
Speaker:

Do you ever find yourself turning to your

phone without even thinking about it?

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Or do you get sucked into

scrolling and regret not using

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that time for something else?

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You are not alone.

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I'm Alex, a screen time mentor for

young moms, and I'm here to help you

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get a grip on your own screen time

so you can be present, intentional,

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and live a more fulfilling life.

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Welcome to the Mindful With Media podcast.

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Hi it's what mid January And

the weather outside right now.

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. It's so nice.

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And so I'm kind of dying that I'm inside.

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When it's so nice outside, but we've

spent , several hours outside today

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already, which has been awesome.

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If you've been around

here for awhile, then.

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You know that.

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I am doing the 1000 hours

outside challenge this year.

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Last March.

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I interviewed Kayla about her experience

doing it, and she inspired me.

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And so now I'm doing it, but if you want

to hear more about what that challenge

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is, you can go listen to episode six

called how to be a happier version of

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yourself by spending more time outside.

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Today.

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I want to talk about something

that I feel like impacts.

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Every aspect of our life.

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And that is this idea of

internalizing your inherent value.

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And.

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This stems from this truth that.

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You as a person.

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Are already as valuable and as lovable.

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As.

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You ever will be that there

is nothing that you can do.

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To make yourself more valuable or

more lovable or have more worth.

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Yet.

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It's so easy to.

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Do things

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because we subconsciously believe

that they will make us more.

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Valuable or lovable or have more worth.

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These subconscious beliefs

show up both for me.

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And I've seen it show up for my clients.

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Some examples.

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, often people.

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Our subconsciously getting

their value from somewhere else.

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This can look like people pleasing.

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This can also look like

somebody wanting to start.

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Uh, business or an Instagram account

or something, but having a lot of fear

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every time they post about what people

will think or how people respond or

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sometimes, Some business owners that I.

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Work with one-on-one.

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This looks like checking their stats

frequently looking, you know, they post

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something and then they check their reel

over and over to see how many of you

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is it has or checking their podcast

downloads frequently to see how many

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people are listening to their podcasts.

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And this is all from this subconscious

belief that our value comes from how

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people respond to what recreate or.

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Our value comes from.

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Pleasing other people that our

value comes from having people happy

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with us or our value comes from.

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How clean our houses or our value

comes from how productive we are,

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or our value comes from how many

books we read or value comes from.

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How obedient we are.

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Our value comes from.

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What kind of parent we are.

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Or this can also look like.

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If they look a certain way that they

will suddenly feel more lovable

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or have more value, or if they

make a certain amount of money.

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Or if they can keep their

house clean or if they can.

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Be productive or if they can be really

patient with their kids and respond

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in a certain way to their kids or.

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If they can accomplish amazing

things, have a bestseller book or.

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Even things like if they can.

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Be really righteous or obedient or

have a certain number of followers

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on their Instagram accounts.

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Like.

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This shows up in so many ways.

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And sometimes we look back at

our lives and we subconsciously.

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Determined that our value is coming

from things that we've accomplished

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because we look a certain way or

because we have accomplished certain

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things or because we make a certain

amount of money or because we.

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Do things a certain way.

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We're really patient with

our kids or whatever it is.

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Sometimes we subconsciously.

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Are basing our value on.

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What we do.

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And I actually talk a little

bit more about this in.

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Episode 15 called how to be

unproductive and be okay with it.

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And in that episode, I share

kind of about my journey where.

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I used to base my value

on my productivity.

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I've always been known as

a very productive person.

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And so I subconsciously was

basing my value on that.

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And again, you'll see, like a lot

of these things are good things.

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But the problem is when we subconsciously.

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Are placing all of our value.

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On.

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These.

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Things and not internalizing that.

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Our value is already inherent.

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There's nothing we can do to

make ourselves more valuable.

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The ironic thing is that.

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Once you internalize this truth that.

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Your value and your.

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Lovability and your worth

is already inherent and that

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there is nothing you can do.

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To make yourself more

valuable as a person.

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Once you internalize this,

the ironic thing is that.

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You'll actually be able to.

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Change and improve and accomplish those

things that you want to accomplish.

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Faster.

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And in more dramatic ways.

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And in ways that last.

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Then, if you never

internalized this truth.

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So.

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Just to kind of repeat that.

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You are already enough.

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And you don't have to do anything

to become more valuable or

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lovable or have more worth.

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And once you realize that

and internalize that.

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Then, and only then will you

start making powerful changes?

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That actually last and you'll

change in dramatic and rapid ways.

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Instead of doing those things

that you might have initially been

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doing to try to prove something.

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Whether subconsciously trying to prove

something to yourself or to others.

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You'll still accomplish those

things, but, it will be for

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a totally different purpose.

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And you'll actually.

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Feel satisfied when they happen.

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Because you've already internalized

the truth that you are enough,

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even if you don't do those things.

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There was a time in my life when

I was running really intensely.

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And.

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I was incredibly disciplined

with food and with exercise and.

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With what I thought was

a healthy lifestyle.

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And.

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That was the fittest that

I've ever been in my life.

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My body looked a certain way and I was

crazy disciplined during that time.

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But I remember seeing a quote on

Pinterest and I actually can't

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remember what the quote said.

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But.

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It said something about

like, Being disciplined or.

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Something like that.

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And I just remember thinking.

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I've achieved that I.

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Have arrived.

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I am as disciplined as I

ever have wanted to be.

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And as I see online that other

people really want to be this

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disciplined, but I feel empty inside.

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And I don't feel confident.

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And I don't feel any of the things that

I thought I would feel once I made it.

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Once I was this disciplined, once

my body looked this way, and that

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was a pretty defining moment of

my life when I realized that.

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Achieving things is not

what brings fulfillment and

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satisfaction and confidence.

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Because you won't suddenly

feel a certain way.

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Once you've accomplished

something or once you've.

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Achieved your goals or whatever, like

you won't suddenly feel different.

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You won't suddenly feel

confident or lovable or.

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Disciplined or.

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Whatever it is that

you're working towards.

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You won't suddenly feel a certain

way once you've achieved that thing.

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And so.

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Once I realized that during that really

intense time of my life, I realized

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I needed to change something and

it helped me start on this journey.

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Of internalizing this truth that.

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I have inherent value and that

there is nothing I can do.

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Two.

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Make myself more valuable or more lovable.

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And a few months ago I was talking with a

client and she said, I need to work out.

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That was like the phrase that

she used and I asked her why.

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And she said.

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So that I can look strong again.

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And again, I asked her, why do

you want to look strong again?

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And she said, so I can feel

confident and fulfilled.

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And that moment right there I

was pretty bold in my response.

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And we worked through some things

afterwards to actually help her

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understand this, but I expressed that.

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That is a lie that.

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You have to.

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Look a certain way in order to

feel confident and fulfilled.

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And I, I know that's a bold thing

to say, but I, I think that's a

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lie that a lot of us are, again,

it's always subconscious, but we're

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subconsciously telling ourselves that.

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If I look a certain way, then I will feel.

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Confident or then I will feel.

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Fulfilled.

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And that is a lie.

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And I want to touch on that.

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It's okay to have what can be

termed as like shallow goals.

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So like, Wanting your body to

look a certain way or wanting to

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make a certain amount of money

or things that you could deem as

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shallow.

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And what's interesting

about these shallow goals.

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Is that.

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If we believe that they're shallow,

then we pretend we don't want them.

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Whether that's.

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More money or, yeah, our bodies

looking a certain way or our house

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to look a certain way or to have.

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Our close a certain way or.

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Yeah, just things that

might be., seen as shallow.

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When we believe that they're shallow.

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We are afraid to admit to other

people and even afraid to admit to

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ourselves that we want these things

because we're ashamed by them.

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And so it actually just

kind of, perpetuates this.

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Cycle of.

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Feeling like you

shouldn't want this thing.

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But you do.

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It's actually better to admit to

yourself that you want these things.

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And make sure that you.

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Our internalizing the truth that.

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Once you get these things once

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you have a certain amount of

money or once your have a.

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House that looks a certain way.

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Or once you.

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Have a body that looks a certain way.

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Once you have that.

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You won't suddenly feel.

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Better about yourself.

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You won't suddenly feel like you

have an abundant amount of money.

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You won't suddenly feel

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confident or you won't

suddenly feel lovable

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you have to understand that.

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It's totally okay, too.

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Work towards those things.

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And to want those things.

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And recognize that those aren't

going to bring you what you

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might actually be looking for.

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So I hope I've made it really clear that.

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It's so important to

internalize this truth.

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That your value is already

inherent to, because it can impact.

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Every aspect of your life, like

we've talked about in the beginning

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so.

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Let's get into some practical tips of

how to actually internalize this truth.

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That.

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Your value is inherent.

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So you've probably heard me talk about

this concept of be, do have, and this is.

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The idea that most people operate from.

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Either a have do.

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B mindset or I do have B mindset.

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So that's where.

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They subconsciously think that once I.

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Have.

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A body that looks this way,

then I'll do things differently.

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And then I'll.

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B.

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Happy or be confident or.

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B.

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Lovable.

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Or they operate from do

have be, so that's like.

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If I.

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Do.

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If I work out this many of times, then

I'll have a body that looks a certain way

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and then I can be happy or be confident.

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But change happens so much faster

and it feels better when you

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operate from be, do have so.

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You imagine.

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As if you've already achieved that

thing, imagined that you already make

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that amount of money or you've already.

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Built your business to a

certain point or you already.

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Look a certain way.

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And then think about how you

will feel when that happens.

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Will you feel confident?

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Will you feel.

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Patient will you feel grateful?

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Will you feel abundant?

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And then also think about

what you'll think about.

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How will you think about things?

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Will you think I'm so grateful for.

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My body.

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I'm so grateful for.

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My.

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Home.

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I'm so grateful for this life that I live.

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I'm so.

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Grateful for my kids.

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Like, how will you think.

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What, what will you think about

when you're brushing your teeth?

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Or what will you think about at the end

of the day when you're going to bed?

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Or what will you think about when

you get up in the morning and then

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however, you'll feel whenever you've.

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Accomplish, whatever you want or when

your house is cleaner, when you were

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productive or when you our patient

readers, kids practice thinking that

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and feeling those ways right now.

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Practice when you go to bed tonight.

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Thinking.

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I'm so grateful.

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For how I keep my home

or I was so grateful for.

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The money that I make.

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I'm so grateful.

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And if you practice.

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Feeling and thinking that way first.

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It is crazy.

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The miracles that happen.

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And you'll end up getting

what you want anyway.

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That is the first way to

internalize your inherent value.

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Is to practice feeling how you feel.

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As if you already have what you want

and what you're working towards.

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Another thing that I like to do.

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To help me.

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Internalize that my value

is already inherent.

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Is.

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Before I do something, whether that's.

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Cleaned my house or

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go on a run or.

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Oh, cool.

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That I want to work towards or.

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Post something on Instagram or

even before recording this podcast.

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I like to ask myself if I'm

doing this because I want to feel

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more worthy or I want to feel

more loved or feel more valued.

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Or.

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If I'm doing it because

I know that I'm already.

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Valuable.

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It feels really different, doing things.

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Because I subconsciously want to feel more

valuable or doing things because it feels

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fun and it feels exciting and it feels.

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Good.

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Like those just feel so different.

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The why that I'm doing something.

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I think like cleaning my house, for

example, am I doing that because.

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Good moms have a clean house

or am I doing it because.

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I like my house to be

functional and to work for me.

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Like it's a lot easier to

live in a house that's clean.

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But just feels really different.

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And so I just like to notice

before I do any sort of anything.

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Just asking myself, especially

those ones that I'm prone to

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base my value on those things.

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I asked myself, why am I doing this?

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Is it because I subconsciously

want to feel more valuable?

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Or is it because.

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I want to do it.

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Because it's fun or because it.

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Serves me in some way.

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Another thing that can be helpful is to

just take some time to identify where

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your value is subconsciously coming from.

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And this can be a little bit

uncomfortable if you've never

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done something like this before.

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To say, wow, I'm placing a lot of my

value on what other people say about

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me or on how people respond to my posts

on Instagram or on how clean my house

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is or on how productive my day goes.

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And just write down all those

things that you're subconsciously

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placing your value on.

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And then also take some time to

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identify where you do want

your value to come from.

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Like something that I believe is I

believe that I am a daughter of God.

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And I believe that's where my

value comes from that I have.

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Divine identity.

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But just take some time to

really ask yourself, where do

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you want your value to come from?

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And something that can help you realize,

like where you might be placing your

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value on is if you didn't have something,

how would you feel about yourself?

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Like.

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So if.

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You posted something on

Instagram and nobody responded.

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How would you feel about

yourself or if you.

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Did nothing today you got

nothing done, a new to-do list.

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How would you feel about

yourself or if your house was a

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disaster and just out of control.

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How would you feel about yourself?

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And though it might bring some

things up that you might be placing

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your value on some of those things.

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This is a lot of what I

do in coaching calls is.

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I have some specific practices

and some specific questions.

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That can really help you too.

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Get to the root.

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Of where this might be stemming from

where you might be placing your value.

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And then to help you actually

change your underlying beliefs.

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it's one thing to recognize them.

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That's huge to recognize

where it's coming from.

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And then it's another thing.

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To actually change your

underlying beliefs.

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Instead of just like.

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Repeating meaningless affirmations

or something like that,

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like that is not effective.

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What's effective is to actually

get to the root of things.

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And then.

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Change those underlying beliefs.

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And I would love to do that

in a coaching call with you.

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If you're interested.

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You can sign up for a free session.

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I'll put the link in the show notes

to sign up for a free coaching call.

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Okay, this is something I'm going

to be talking about a lot more

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because I think this is the root of.

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A lot of our problems is.

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Misplacing where our value comes from.

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And if you can internalize that.

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The source of your value

is already inherent.

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A lot of your problems will be solved.

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But it's not something that you

can just do overnight, which

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is why coaching is so powerful

because you have an outside source.

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Noticing these things

and then helping you to.

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Work through them more quickly

and to actually change them.

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Thanks so much for listening today.

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I promise you.

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It means so much to me.

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Every message I get.

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Every email I get where you just

share what something meant to you.

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Every time you share on your stories

on Instagram, it means the world to me.

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But also I'm not placing my value on that.

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I know my value is already inherent.

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Thanks so much and you have a great week.

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About the Podcast

Mindful with Media
This is the podcast for entrepreneurial moms who want to grow a meaningful, profitable business without sacrificing their other priorities (like spending time with their kids or getting enough sleep).

Host Alex Fales—business coach, mindset mentor, and mom—shares honest conversations, simple strategies, and powerful mindset shifts to help you and make money doing work you love and grow as a person while you're at it.

Expect solo episodes, authentic chats, and real-life stories that help you blend business strategy with personal growth, so you can build a business that supports your life (not the other way around).

Because you don’t need more hustle.
You need clarity, confidence, and the courage to do business your way.