Episode 42

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Published on:

21st Feb 2024

42 | 9 Tips to Be More Present

I believe being fully present is the key to feeling true happiness. In this episode I share some of the benefits of being present along with 9 practical tips to help you be more fully present.

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Transcript
Speaker:

I've coached nearly 100 women about their

screen time, and here's what I've learned.

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Women actually don't care about their

screen time, they care about those things

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that are impacted by their screen time.

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Their ability to be patient with their

kids, the growth of their business,

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having time to pursue their creative

dreams, their relationship with their

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husband, the inner peace that they feel,

their confidence in themselves, their

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connection to the world, their ability

to Connection with God, their friendships

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not missing out on their kids' childhoods.

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I'm Alex and I'm here to

help you find inner peace.

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Enjoy true fulfillment

and be fully present.

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Welcome to the Mindful with Media Podcast.

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Hi welcome.

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Aye.

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Recently have had a little nudge

to take a break from social media.

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So I'm taking this week off of social

media and it's felt really good.

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Two.

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Just kind of check back in and have some

space so that when I do get back on.

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I'll be in a better place to

use it more intentionally.

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And.

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You might've heard me talk

about this before that.

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I believe that social media fast

are little breaks from social media.

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They can be really helpful

every once in a while.

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I'll get a little nudge to take some

time off, but they're not enough.

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And if you've ever taken a break

from social media and then got

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back on and found that you

fell right back into old habits.

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Feel free to sign up for a free

coaching call and I can help you.

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Get back on social media.

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And actually have the break

from social media that you took.

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Be effective as you implement

social media back into your life.

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Yesterday I was studying about what

it means to be happy and just kind of

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writing down some of my thoughts about.

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What I believe happiness is.

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And as I was writing down my thoughts, I.

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Noticed that.

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Well,.

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I'll just share some of the

notes that I, I wrote down.

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I wrote.

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I believe happiness includes deep peace.

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True satisfaction.

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Hope.

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Contentment feeling fulfilled.

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I wrote down some moments or

times that I've felt truly happy.

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Walking outside with Matt and the

kids while the sun was shining.

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Watching woman.

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B.

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Taught and inspired and.

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Discover truths for their specific

situations during coaching calls.

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Watching my kids play with

each other and make each other

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laugh and just love each other.

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The feeling I have after a

good long run with friends.

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Chatting with friends in the mountains.

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Hiking and God's beautiful creations,

especially when I'm with my kids.

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And friends.

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Listening to beautiful, inspiring music.

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Allowing myself to feel that.

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Deep emotions that I have.

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Journaling about something that

I'm feeling really sad about.

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So, yeah, those are some of my.

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My thoughts that I wrote about

happiness and what I noticed with.

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Each of these points,

there was one common.

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Similarity.

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And that was that.

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Happiness.

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And my understanding of happiness

and experience with happiness.

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Involves being fully present.

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And even like those last examples that I

realized that I actually do feel happy.

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When I'm experiencing.

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What can be termed as negative

emotion or hard emotions like sadness.

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And so what I believe about all

of these points is that happiness

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involves being fully present, you

know, Those experiences when I was

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with my husband or my kids or friends.

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I was all there.

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I was.

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Engulfed in the experience.

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And so I believe that.

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The more that we can be

fully present in our lives.

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Whether that's doing fun, happy things

with people we love or whether that's.

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You know, experiencing some really hard

emotions, but allowing ourselves to

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be fully present for those emotions.

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That's when we feel true happiness and.

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Satisfaction and deep peace and.

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Hope and fulfillment and contentment.

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It comes from being fully present.

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And so that's why today I want

to talk more about how to be

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fully present and just more about

this concept of being present.

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So almost a year ago now we were

visiting my in-laws in Wyoming.

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And my father-in-law was at work and

my mother-in-law was at an appointment.

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And my husband was out

to lunch with a friend.

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Both my kids were napping, so I was

home alone at my in-law's house, and

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I was hoping to get some work done.

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But I opened my laptop and I

couldn't connect to the wifi.

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And I tried to find my phone so I

could ask my husband and we're in

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laws about how to connect to the wifi.

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And I realized that I had left my

phone in the car that my husband took.

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So I had no way of contacting anyone.

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And I kept trying to think of

productive ways to use this time.

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But I wasn't at home, so I couldn't

work on any of my house projects

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or my never ending to do list.

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And I didn't have my phone with me,

so I couldn't do anything on there.

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Like create social media posts or

read scriptures or anything like that.

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And I didn't have my book with

me, so I couldn't read anything.

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And so I literally just sat

with my thoughts, doing nothing.

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And it was that experience

that made me realize that.

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It's not that.

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Addicted to our phones

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as much as we always want to be doing

something because it is hard to be bored

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and this can even apply when

you're doing one thing, like

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brushing your hair or watching a

movie or playing with your kids.

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While simultaneously trying to

multitask by scrolling on your phone

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at the same time or trying to do.

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Something else at the same time.

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And.

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I found that this is

totally true for all of you.

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I.

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Reached out.

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A few months ago and asked what made

it hard for you to be present and.

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This is what you shared.

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Some of the things that you said

of what makes it hard for you to be

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fully present are your own thoughts.

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, clutter in your home, . Your to-do

list forever running in your head.

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Anxiety, stress.

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Feeling like you need to

get so many things done.

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So you have to double up on some things.

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Lack of energy feeling

overwhelmed or stressed.

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There's so much on your mind.

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You're always thinking of what's next.

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You want to take pictures and

videos, but you feel like that also

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takes you away from the experience.

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Sometimes the experience

itself is overwhelming and

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you feel the need to escape.

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At the end of the day, you're just tired.

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You're constantly thinking

about what needs to be done.

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You just have so many thoughts anytime

you're with your kids or outside.

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That's when you have

the best business ideas.

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Uh, anxiety, everything

that needs to get done.

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Your phone.

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Wanting to be productive.

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Anything that's a distraction.

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Your giant to do list screaming at

you to get things done all the time.

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Thinking of what you should be doing.

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You get bored, your mind races

with all the things you could be

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doing, but it's usually chores.

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You're never ending to do list, wanting

to enjoy the moments because time flies.

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And Chris' thoughts about if

you're acting normal or yourself?

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Getting bored or you feel lazy if you're

not doing something that feels productive.

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You're never ending to do list that you

want to get done bored with the present.

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So many things on your mind, numbing

to avoid uncomfortable emotion.

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Okay.

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So it sounds like we all have a lot

of similarities of what makes it hard

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for us to actually be fully present.

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I think the biggest things

that I noticed were.

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The rented to-do list.

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Like your mind racing.

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And what you should be

doing or could be doing.

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Um, feeling bored with the present.

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Racing thoughts.

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So being present means that

you're focused and engaged.

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In the here and now you're not

distracted or mentally absent.

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And our phones are an obvious

distraction that pull us from being

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focused and engaged in the moment.

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But they also impact the way that our

brains work so that even if our phones

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aren't available, We still expect that

constant stimulation that we're used to.

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So later in this episode, I'll talk

more about practical ways to deal

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with this because the reality is.

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We do live in a world of.

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Phones.

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And I, you know, if you've listened to

this podcast for a while, or especially

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my first episode, I love my phone.

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I'm so grateful for a phone and I don't

want to get rid of my smartphone, but

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there are some practical things that we

can do so that we can be bully, present.

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While still living in the

age of the smartphone.

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But first I want to start by talking

about the benefits of being present.

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And.

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This was probably.

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I don't know, close to a year ago now.

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But I decided to set a phone

boundary that I wouldn't use my phone

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whenever I was feeding my baby girl.

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And I just wanted to cherish that time

that she was a special little baby

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and I wanted to feel closer to her.

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And so anytime that I fed her, I

left my phone in the other room.

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And the interesting thing was that.

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I, I made this change because

I wanted to feel close to her.

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But.

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So many other good things happen.

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When I did this, I spent anywhere

from 15 minutes to an hour

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every night in the dark silence.

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As I fed my baby to sleep.

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And I like to be productive.

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I think many of you can relate

to this, that you have this

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never ending to do list.

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You always like to no, how

you can be most efficient, , et

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cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

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So to just sit and do nothing

and I would feed her to sleep.

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And so she wasn't really engaging with me.

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Like she was just falling asleep and so

she wasn't looking at me or anything.

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And so it kind of felt like

this was a waste of time.

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Like I could have been.

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Creating reels for my business, or I

could have been responding to texts

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or I could have been responding to DMS

or writing in my journal on my phone

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or meal planning or making a grocery

list or reading my scriptures, which.

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They're all, those are

all good things to do.

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But I just, instead I did

nothing except sit and think.

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And I found that when I

had this quiet time too.

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Do nothing.

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And be fully present for that moment.

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I was so much more efficient and

productive in my work at other times.

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And I just had so many ideas for

work and for my life and for a

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specific parenting challenges.

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And.

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I volunteer at church.

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And so certain.

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Situations there.

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And I just felt more calm

and peaceful in my life.

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And I just felt that like deep

love and appreciation as I

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watched my baby fall asleep.

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And of course I got bored and I

got antsy and I would find myself

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turning to my watch to see if

it could somehow entertain me.

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But overall, the benefits of

being present for this experience

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far outweighed everything else.

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So research shows that.

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When you are more present,

it's easier to manage stress.

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And.

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When you practice being present.

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This makes it easier for you

not only to deal with something

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stressful that happens right then.

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But you're also better able to cope

with stressful things that happen later.

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So whether that's that same

day or even in the future.

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Another benefit of being present.

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Is it can help reduce

anxiety and depression.

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And this totally makes sense.

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Right?

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Like anxiety is typically a future

oriented response, the third benefit that

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I want to touch on of being fully present

is that it strengthens relationships.

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And.

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There is research that shows that

just having a phone face down on

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the table makes it less likely

for a conversation to get as deep.

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So the results of the study said

if either participant placed a

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mobile communication device on

the table or held it in their hand.

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During the course of the 10

minute conversation, the quality

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of the conversation was rated to

be less fulfilling compared with

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conversations that took place in

the absence of mobile devices.

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So even just even if like no

notifications come in, even if.

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Like the phone is face down.

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Just having it there is

associated with The conversation

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being less fulfilling and.

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You're not likely to go as deep.

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Okay.

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So now that we've covered some

of the benefits of being present.

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You're better able to handle stress.

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It can help with anxiety and depression

and it will strengthen relationships.

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Let's get into some practical tips.

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That can help you to be fully present.

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So the first tip that I want to share is.

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To declare your efforts as enough.

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And

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a lot of, you mentioned that you

have a never ending to do list.

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And I think we can all relate to that,

that any stage of life you're in, whether

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you're a mom or a business owner, Or.

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Someone who.

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It's just a human being.

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There are always more things you can do.

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And so ultimately it's up to you

to declare your efforts as enough.

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And.

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Declare when you're done.

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And that concept has been really

helpful for me if I find myself

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having a hard time being present

with whatever I want to do, I'm

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still ruminating on something else to

declare that what I've done is enough.

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The second tip that I want

to share is to remember.

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That your value doesn't

come from your productivity.

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I think it's really easy to be

present with whatever we're doing.

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Because we're basing our value.

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On something else that we think we

should be doing, whether that's.

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Cleaning the house or doing laundry or

doing something for our business or doing

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something that we deem as productive.

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We might subconsciously be

placing our value on that thing.

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And so you can listen to

episode 40 of the podcast.

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Where I talk more about

internalizing your inherent devalue.

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And remembering that your value

doesn't come from those things.

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The third tip that can help you too.

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Actually be more fully present.

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Is to change the language that

you're using around certain things.

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I hear about this concept all the time of.

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Don't go to bed with your house.

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Messy.

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And.

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I used to think, like I have to

go to bed with my house clean or.

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My house must be clean before I go to bed.

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But just shifting that language to.

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I prefer to go to bed with my house

clean, or I prefer to go to bed.

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When I've cleaned the kitchen.

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That subtle shift is so powerful.

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In how we treat that thing, that it's

okay to want something a certain way, or

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to prefer to do something a certain way.

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But if you believe that it must be

that way or it has to be that way.

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It's going to be a lot

harder for you to be present.

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When you're not doing that thing

or when that thing isn't done.

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And so just shifting that mindset of.

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Prefer something to be done

rather than that thing must

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be done or it has to get done.

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The fourth tip that can help

you to be fully present.

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Is to ask yourself.

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Am I prioritizing the right things.

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And genuinely just take some time to

ponder that and journal about it, of.

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What matters to you and are your

actions and the way you spend your

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time, the things you think about.

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Aligned

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with the priorities in your life.

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And then.

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If you can have that clear for

yourself, it's a lot easier to be

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more fully present for those things.

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When you remember that

those are your priorities.

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The fifth tip is to ask yourself, what

does your future self think about this?

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I think it's so easy to get caught

up in the here and now, and like

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the one moment that you're in.

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And so.

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To feel really worked up or overthink

but if you can just take a step back

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and ask yourself what your future self.

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Thinks about this current situation.

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It's often easier to kind of let

things go a little bit and see the

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picture and be more fully present

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Okay.

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Another thing.

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That helps me to be more fully

present is to ask these two questions.

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One.

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What is giving me energy.

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And the second question,

what is draining my energy?

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Sometimes we put all of our energy

towards certain things that are

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actually just draining our energy.

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And so we don't have anything left.

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For those things that really matter to us,

that we want to be totally present for.

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And then once you figure out what's

draining your energy and what's

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giving you energy, you can make

some changes in your life so that

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you can be more fully present.

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. The seventh tip that can help

you to be more fully present.

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Is.

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To make a decision.

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So.

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Sometimes

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when I don't have a clear

idea of what I'm doing.

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I will try to.

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Clean the house and try

to play with my kids.

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And then I'm like, oh, maybe we

should just get out of the house.

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Cause we're going crazy.

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And so my mind is kind of racing on

what we should do and I'm, I'm really

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not present cleaning the house.

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I'm not present for that activity.

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I'm not present with my kids.

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Because I'm thinking about what

would be the best thing to do.

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And so it doesn't feel good.

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But when I'm in that moment and I

realized that I'm just kind of like.

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Fluttering around of like what I should

do, like path cleaning in the house.

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Half of my kids, if I

can just make a decision.

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Okay right now, I'm

going to clean the house.

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I can be way more present for that.

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And of course my kids are

still around and it might be

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a little chaotic and crazy.

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But.

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At least I know.

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And I can communicate to my kids.

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Right now I'm cleaning the kitchen

or whatever it is or the opposite.

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Maybe I just decided.

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I'm going to declare my efforts.

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As enough, and I'm making the decision to.

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Go to the park and I'm going to

be fully present at the park.

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Just making that decision instead of.

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Tossing and turning about what we should

be doing can help you to be fully present.

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And also I love., Kendra

DACI she wrote the book.

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The lazy genius way.

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And she has a podcast

called the lazy genius.

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And she talks about deciding once.

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And so.

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Instead of every day wondering,

okay, how should I spend my time?

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You can just decide.

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Okay.

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This is how my schedule goes.

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Every morning, I go take my kids

on an outing and we go do something

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fun and I'm present with them there.

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Then.

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During nap time, my son, his quiet time.

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And I'm fully present with my own things.

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I'm not trying to be present with him.

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And then.

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After nap time, we have certain things

on certain days, but I have designated

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things and same with my nights.

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I have certain nights for

housework, certain nights for.

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My coaching business, certain nights for.

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Self care certain nights for,

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my connection with God.

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Anyway, it's just having that

decided once that I don't have to

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wonder every night what I'm going

to do and kind of bounce around.

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If you can just decide once it's

way easier to be present with

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whatever you've decided to do.

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. Another tip that can help you

to be fully present is two.

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Set and protect boundaries.

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Around things that are important to you.

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So I had this experience where

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several months ago, maybe as

a year ago now, I don't know.

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But

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matt.

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And I had decided that there were some

certain chunk of time on Saturdays

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that I could have devoted to my

business to work on my business.

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But I wasn't.

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Holding those boundaries

around my time to work.

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And so.

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It, it wasn't always

happening that time to work.

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And what I found was that.

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Because my time wasn't

protected for work on Saturdays.

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I would always find myself pulling

my computer out during the time that

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we had designated as family time.

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And so I was trying to like

work and be with the family.

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And I wasn't present for either one.

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And so it can be really helpful to

set boundaries both around,, for me,

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family time and work time and really

hold to those boundaries so that you

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can be fully present for whatever

one you're you're deciding to do.

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Right then.

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Another tip that can help to help you be

fully present with whatever you're doing.

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Is to notice your

thoughts without judgment.

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I think.

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Sometimes we think like, well,

if I'm going to be present, I

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can't think about anything else.

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But.

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Our brains are designed

to think and to ponder.

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And so.

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If you're aware of mindfulness

at all, you've probably heard

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of this concept of when you.

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Have a thought coming in.

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You just think of it as like

floating down a river, you know,

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just let thoughts come and go and

just notice them without judgment.

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And not.

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Panicking about certain

thoughts that come.

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:

And kind of with that one of, you

mentioned that you always have the

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best thoughts for your business,

whenever you're wanting to be

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:

present or when you're outside.

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I choose to believe that thoughts that.

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Matter and ideas that matter

and are really important.

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My business will come back to

me when I'm in a good place.

437

:

And so if I'm trying to sleep or

if I'm with my kids outside, or if

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I'm just in one of those moments

where I really, really want to

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:

be in that moment, truly present.

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:

If I have a thought come for my business.

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I say a little prayer and ask God to.

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Remind me about that idea.

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Another time when I can write it down.

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That may or may not work for you.

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:

And it's not like you had to be

super strict about that, but, but

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:

that has helped me to just choose to

believe that those ideas will come

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:

back when when I'm ready for them.

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:

And they do, I really do

have those ideas come back.

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:

Okay.

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:

The last tip that I have for you.

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To help you to.

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:

Be more fully present is to.

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Just choose small amounts of time.

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I think.

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It's a little overwhelming to think.

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:

Okay, I'm going to be fully present with

my kids for this three hour chunk of

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time just set a timer for five minutes

and be all in for five minutes and

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:

then move on to whatever you're doing.

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:

I think it doesn't have to be so.

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:

So big, I think it's actually

more effective to be.

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:

More present for smaller amounts of time.

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:

In fact,

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:

You might've heard of this.

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:

Popular idea of the nine most

important minutes of your child's day.

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:

So this is the three minutes after

they wake up the three minutes

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:

after they get home from school.

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:

And the three minutes

before they go to bed.

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:

And the idea is that you are

totally and completely focused on

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:

your child for those nine minutes.

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:

And.

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Well, it doesn't necessarily

need to be those specific times

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:

or that specific amount of time.

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:

This principle is true, that there

is so much power in being completely

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:

present for a short period of time.

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:

Rather than partially present for a longer

period of time, whether that's with your

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:

kids or your spouse or your friends.

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:

The quality of your time together often

matters way more than the quantity.

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:

I remember the specific experience

where we were playing outside

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:

as a family in the backyard.

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:

And we hadn't really made

a clear plan for our day.

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:

It was a Saturday.

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:

So Matt was home from work.

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:

And I was not all there because

I was thinking about all the

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:

things I wanted to do that day.

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:

But as soon as Matt and I checked

in and we were like, okay, let's

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:

play for five more minutes and then

we'll go inside and make a plan.

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:

Then I was better able to.

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:

Be totally present and have

fun with my husband and my kids

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:

and it's just so much easier to.

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:

Set things aside.

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:

When.

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:

You know, there will be an end or, you

know, you can come back to those later..

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:

So just as a recap for the, the

tips that we've mentioned today,

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Declare your effort as enough.

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:

And you can even ask

yourself the questions.

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:

Do you believe your effort is enough?

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:

Do you declare it as enough?

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:

Remembering that your value

doesn't come from productivity.

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:

Changing the words you used

from must and need to prefer.

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:

Ask yourself.

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:

If you're prioritizing the right things.

502

:

Ask yourself, what your

future self thinks about this?

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:

Ask yourself.

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What's giving you energy and ask

yourself what's draining your energy.

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:

Just making a decision about what you're

doing and what you want to be present with

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:

and even better, if you can decide once.

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:

And kind of just as a one

more example with that, I.

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:

Used to feel so guilty about.

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:

Having downtime or taking a little break.

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:

When there were still other

things that needed to be done.

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:

Because I knew that those are the

things needed to be done and I wanted

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:

to get them done, but, I also want

to downtime, but now that I have

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:

like a really specific schedule.

514

:

I don't feel so guilty

because it's planned.

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:

Um,

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And kind of similar to that set

boundaries around those things

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:

that are most important to you.

518

:

Notice thoughts without judgment.

519

:

And then choose to be present

for small amounts of time.

520

:

And you can even set a timer to make

sure that you and whatever you're

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:

wanting to be present with, or the

people that you want to be present with.

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:

Are on the same page about that?

523

:

, I really do believe that

being truly and fully present

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:

brings such joy and happiness.

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:

And to me, it's.

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:

It's a key point to, to

experiencing happiness in this life.

527

:

I'm so grateful that

you would listen today.

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:

I.

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:

Hope you have a really.

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:

Happy week as you try to just

be a little bit more present

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:

by applying one of these tips.

532

:

And.

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:

I'll talk to you next week.

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About the Podcast

Mindful with Media
This is the podcast for entrepreneurial moms who want to grow a meaningful, profitable business without sacrificing their other priorities (like spending time with their kids or getting enough sleep).

Host Alex Fales—business coach, mindset mentor, and mom—shares honest conversations, simple strategies, and powerful mindset shifts to help you and make money doing work you love and grow as a person while you're at it.

Expect solo episodes, authentic chats, and real-life stories that help you blend business strategy with personal growth, so you can build a business that supports your life (not the other way around).

Because you don’t need more hustle.
You need clarity, confidence, and the courage to do business your way.