Episode 73

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Published on:

22nd Jan 2025

73 | A unique approach to achieving massive success

I have big dreams, but the way I achieve them is different from most people. Tune into this week's episode where I challenge traditional ideas of intense commitment and share my journey of aligning my goals with intuition, balance, and a flowy, feminine energy.

Helpful Links:

Power vs. Force by David Hawkins

Episode 71: Are you afraid of getting what you want?

Episode 37: Make radical changes WITHOUT setting goals

Hang out with me on Instagram @thealexfales

Join the waitlist for The Serenity

Transcript
Speaker:

I'm Alex, and you're listening to the Mindful with Media podcast.

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Welcome back to the podcast.

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We are getting ready to go down

to Capitol reef for the weekend.

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Just a little.

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Trip.

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And so.

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Usually I record my podcast episodes on

Friday afternoons during my work time.

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But it's Friday morning and I'm

going to record this episode.

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I would say more often than not.

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I.

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Make a general outline of what I

want to talk about on my podcast.

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But this week, I.

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Kind of want to just share some thoughts

that have been on my mind lately.

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So.

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I did a program with Amber

Smith, who is my current coach.

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Called the art.

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Of impossible, where we talked

about setting impossible goals in

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four different areas of our lives.

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And the program just ended and.

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A week before the program ended

there was a lot of discussion about

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being super committed to your goal.

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Like.

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A lot can still happen in a week.

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And I totally believe that and feel that.

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But this concept of being super committed.

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To a goal.

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I've just spent.

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Thinking about a lot and.

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Discussing a lot and

journaling a lot about

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my approach.

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Two.

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Goal setting and achieving things.

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And.

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Yeah.

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So I thought I might first

I can just share kind of my.

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Some of my journal entry.

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From a few days ago when

I was processing this.

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So this was just from my morning

pages, which is a super trendy.

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Idea right now where you right.

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Just stream of thought,

whatever comes to your mind.

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Three pages.

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In the morning, like before

you do anything else and.

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Sometimes I follow exactly that.

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And often basically it's

just time to write for me.

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It's just like, And not about

a specific thing, but just

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write whatever's on my mind.

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So this is from my morning pages.

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I think I am supposed to have

this stronger drive to be all

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in or super committed to a goal.

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Like.

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Set up to consistently make

10 K months by this Thursday.

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That was one of the goals that I set

for one of my impossible goals that

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I set for the art of impossible.

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I don't know if that's just how I am.

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And I prefer to live, or if I

have some secret fears or beliefs.

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That are getting in the way of feeling

super hardcore, committed to a goal.

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The idea of being so

committed to something.

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Even when the resistance

shows up, just doesn't.

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Resonate for me.

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I'm still trying to figure it out because.

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Obviously I'm doing something.

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Right.

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I've run multiple half marathons.

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I run a marathon.

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I consistently run during cold

dark mornings in the winter.

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I go to bed by 9:00 PM almost every night.

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I've consistently showed up in

my business and made more money

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than I ever thought possible.

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And I've done this for

three and a half years.

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Maybe it does come back to.

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Be do have.

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Because of the underlying

beliefs I have about who I am.

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I trust my body and my intuition and

don't force myself to do things that

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don't resonate at the moment . And

a lot of it comes back to setting

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up my environment to support me.

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I run with people.

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I charge my phone in the kitchen.

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I have.

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Plans outside with friends.

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But also just the underlying

belief that I'm not shaming

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myself into doing anything.

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I do things because I genuinely want to.

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So knowing this about myself, what do I

want to make happen before this Thursday?

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So then I went on to journal

about what I actually wanted.

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And I realized I wasn't

actually committed to that.

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Goal of.

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Making.

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And not just making 10 K months,

but like setting, being set up to.

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Consistently make 10 K months.

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I realized like, And my heart of hearts.

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It's not what I was.

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Really committed to like, it was a,

that'd be cool if that happened, but.

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I wasn't super committed to it.

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And you can actually listen

to my podcast episode from.

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Last week?

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No, not last week, two weeks ago.

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All about.

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Getting clear on what you want and

the skill of getting what you want.

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And.

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Just the importance of that first step

of like, what do you actually want?

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So it was really interesting because

that morning pages led me to.

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Actually taking actions that

did get me closer to that.

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Original goal of being set up to

consistently make 10 K months.

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But.

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It was from this place of.

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Love and intuition and more of

that , feminine Slowey energy.

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And.

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Not from this place of like, I am

committed to this and I'm going to do

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whatever it takes to make it happen.

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And so.

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Then I think it was

the next day, actually.

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I was at an event.

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I was at a mastermind

and kind of a shared.

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My thoughts on this topic and.

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Opened it up for discussion and ended

up receiving some great coaching on.

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This idea and.

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I realized a few things.

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From that discussion and just

thinking about this some more.

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But I realized that.

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My idea of what it meant

to be committed to a goal.

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Was single-minded like it's

possible for me to be committed.

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To a goal.

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And I don't even know if I'd

like the word goal, but maybe.

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Committed to.

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An outcome or a process or.

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Way of doing things or a habit or

whatever it is committed to something.

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Without that feeling of intensity

and that feeling of like,

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Yeah, intensity, I think is the best word.

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But sometimes with that feeling of

intensity, I think of like grasping

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anus or desperation or like, Like.

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Grit.

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And I think.

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There are lots of different.

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Ways to interpret these words, right?

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Like, I don't think these are bad things.

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But it's just.

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That.

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Doesn't resonate for me.

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And doesn't.

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Work for me.

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And I will say this,

like I genuinely believe.

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With like deep down genuinely believe that

there is not one right way to approach.

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Accomplishing things.

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That that more like intense.

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Commitment to.

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A goal or an outcome, or I don't even

know if it's the outcome, but yeah.

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Intense commitment to doing something.

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Is actually very helpful.

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And I think it works for some

people and even like in the

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realm of business, I think.

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Like that.

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That drive and that hustle, like

some people like really like that.

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It's really fun for them

and invigorating for them.

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And.

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So I, I want to say like, I don't

want you to feel like, because I'm

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figuring out what works for me.

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That what works for me also has

to be the right thing for you.

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I think.

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You can figure out for

yourself, like what.

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What works for you?

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And I, I, I think the reason that I was

contemplating this so much is because.

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I was wondering if I was.

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Secretly like self-sabotaging or

stopping myself from achieving

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things that I actually want.

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Because of.

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The way that I approach things.

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Have, you know, if I could.

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Change some underlying beliefs, like maybe

I did have some sneaky beliefs about.

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Fear of.

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Not getting, you know, not reaching it.

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And so I was like, well, I don't

even want to try because I'm scared

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I won't achieve it or whatever.

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It was like, I had to really

check with myself if that's.

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Y, I don't like to be intensely

committed to something.

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If it's because.

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There's this underlying fear

or self sabotage going on.

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But when I really got to the root of it,

I realized that was not the case for me.

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That.

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Aye.

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Oh, th that like, I realized it wasn't

just that I wanted to be set up to make.

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10 K months.

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Consistently, like have a reliable.

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Income coming for 10 K months.

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But it was that I wanted to.

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I was attached to the way.

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That I got there, right?

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Like they're not attached.

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I was committed to.

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Achieving this.

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Goal this impossible

goal in a way that felt.

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Flowy and from this feminine energy.

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And so I would rather be set up to make.

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, a less amount of money.

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But in a way that feels flowy.

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And so I didn't.

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I could have, you know,

pushed and intensely.

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Gone after those that, that.

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That 10 caved, consistent months.

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But it was not the way that I want

to continue running my business

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and continue living my life.

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And the other thing

that I realized is that.

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I am committed to a lot of things

in my life that I, it was not

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worth it to me to prioritize that.

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Above other things that really

matter to me, I really prioritize.

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Going to bed by 9:00 PM.

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Like I said, I really prioritize.

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When I'm not working,

I'm really not working.

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And I am with my family.

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And I didn't want to spend, you know,

there were times like, When as I

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was kind of processing, seeing this.

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Where after dinner, I would

start to think like, oh, you

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know, like maybe I should go.

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Send that email or.

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Make a post or whatever it was.

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And I was like, no, that is not my.

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Priority.

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That is not the way I'm,

I'm more committed to this

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way of running my business.

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Then I am too.

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Achieving that.

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That goal.

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And so just recognizing that we are.

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Multifaceted.

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Beings and not even just

multifaceted, but multi.

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Passionate, maybe.

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That there.

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Lots of parts of our life that are

important to us and we're committed to.

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And so I don't think you

need to put one goal.

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Higher than the rest.

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Like it's, it is kind

of this like balance of.

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What matters to me and what

am I willing to give and take?

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And, and this is also to

say like, I don't think.

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I think.

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It was still possible to achieve

that goal of setting up, setting

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myself up for consistent 10 K months.

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From that place of.

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Flowiness and still

holding boundaries around.

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My personal life and my family life, like.

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I don't think you have to

choose one or the other.

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I really do think both are possible

because I've seen that happen again

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again, in my business with other.

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Quote unquote goals.

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I think what I needed to do is like this.

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This experience

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I didn't achieve that.

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Like, Actual number goal.

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And I think it speaks well, I'm not.

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Lola.

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Aye.

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Made a lot of breakthrough it's around.

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Well, one, just getting clear on

how I want my business model to be.

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And then a law of.

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Mindset.

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Beliefs that were.

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Getting in the way of me.

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Pursuing the school originally.

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And then I feel like right at the

end there, I was like figuring out

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like I was in a better place too.

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Actually start pursuing that

goal because I had done all the.

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The inner work and not to

say my inner worker's done.

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That is a process.

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I will be.

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Working on forever and always, and I love.

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The inner work that comes from.

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Being a business owner.

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And I already kind of shared

this from my journal entry, but I.

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I feel like.

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The reason that I have achieved,

what I have in my life is not

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because I've set certain goals.

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Like.

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A year ago, I did a workshop on.

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How to make.

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Radical changes in your

life without setting goals.

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And.

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I think there's actually

a podcast episode, kind of

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talking a little bit about it.

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But I did before the workshop that

I can link in the show notes, but.

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I shared in there.

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I used to be really goal happy

and love to like set goals.

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And I do think.

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Setting goals as powerful.

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And like I shared earlier, like, I'm

figuring out what's working for me.

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This is not what works for everyone.

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But for me, What's more powerful than.

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Setting a goal or being

committed to a certain.

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Habit or something.

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Is.

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Setting up systems.

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And changing my underlying beliefs.

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Beliefs about who I am.

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Beliefs about the type of person that I am

beliefs about, where my value comes from.

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Beliefs about other people.

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That is way more.

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Important and not even

important, but effective.

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For me then choosing a goal and

being super committed to that.

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Goal.

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Like, I think of a lot

of the things that I.

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Have achieved in my life and

the way that I live, it's just.

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Who I am.

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It's just what I do.

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And, and I've talked about this.

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Earlier in other episodes, but just

this idea of like, Highest level.

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Yes.

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Is that what it's called?

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I've heard that phrase, but basically

just for example, going outside, I

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do the 1000 hours upsides challenge,

which I guess is technically a goal.

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But.

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Often when we're getting

ready to go outside.

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I do not feel like going outside.

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I just want to sit in my house.

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And I know from experience.

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Like, and not even from experience,

but just like deep down in my soul.

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I know that I actually

do want to go outside.

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And so I think it's.

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In those moments when there's

resistance to doing something that I.

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Have committed to.

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It's like deep down.

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Just like really getting deep.

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Like what do I actually want?

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Like not what does my natural

man surface level want?

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Like what do I actually

want in this moment?

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And then making the

decision from there and.

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Taking action from there.

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And not just from this place of like,

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what feels good right now, but I

also think that's important too.

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Just like trusting myself in

the moment because sometimes.

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We choose to stay inside

and have a cozy day inside.

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And that's a really good thing too.

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But yeah, just trusting.

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Trusting myself in those moments

that I really do know ultimately.

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What's best and what I really want.

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And I think the way that I get.

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Two.

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Being able to trust myself that way.

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Is.

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Deep down, internalizing.

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This idea that my worth.

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Does not come from anything.

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I have achieved anything I will achieve.

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How I'm spending my time.

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My goals, my routines, my systems.

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My accomplishments, how hard I work,

the effort I put in, like, None of that.

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Determines my value as a person.

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I am just as valuable on the days.

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That I.

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Stay in bed all day and do nothing.

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As on the days when I go

running at 6:00 AM and then.

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Take my kids on an adventure outside.

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And then.

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Come home and eat a well-balanced lunch.

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And then.

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Signed some new clients and.

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Work on my business and you

know, like whatever it is, like.

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That does not make me a better.

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Person.

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And I really believe that, like I.

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It's like making more emotional.

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I thought I would like, I am.

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My worth is cannot be changed.

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And so I feel like because

I have like such a delete.

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Deep belief about that.

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I'm not making any decisions

out of like, well, that would

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like make me a better person.

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It's like genuinely, because

I want to do that thing.

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I will share one last

thought on this topic.

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Thanks for listening to my

rambling and processing.

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And I would love to hear any.

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Thoughts you have on any of these ideas?

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As I always say, I'm always open to.

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If you have a different

perspective, I love hearing.

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Different perspectives on things.

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So if you agree with certain

things, I'd love to hear that.

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And if you disagree or have a, an

alternative perspective or opinion,

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I would love to hear that too.

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But the last thing I want to share is.

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I went to the butterfly museum at

Thanksgiving point this week with.

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A friend and our kids.

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And.

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So there's like butterflies

flying all around.

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You can go into like the

conservatories that what it's called.

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Like that part where there's like

actual butterflies laying around.

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And then they have this like

glass window where you can

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see all these cocoons hanging.

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And.

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A little like information thing

about how the process works of a

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caterpillar turning into a butterfly.

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And I feel like that's such a

stereotypical analogy to use.

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But it is crazy that a caterpillar,

like literally a caterpillar.

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Turns into a butterfly.

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Those are so.

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Radically different from each other.

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One of them crawls.

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One of them flies.

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One of them is kind of ugly.

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And one of them is like so beautiful.

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At least some butterflies, a lot

of butterflies are really pretty.

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And.

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It is anyways, I would love to do

more research about that process of

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how that changes and I'm sure there's

some really cool insights there, but.

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I was just thinking about

how radical that changes.

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Of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.

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Andy.

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It obviously like.

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Takes, I don't know if effort's

the right word, but like, It has to

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be in a cocoon for a while and it.

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It does things to make that change like.

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It is a process.

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For it to happen.

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But the process is not forced.

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And that is so powerful to me that.

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It's not a forced thing from it to like

force its way to turn into a butterfly.

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Like it does kind of just happen.

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And like I said, like, it's

not like, it just like, boom.

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It happens like.

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There are steps that it has

to take for it to happen, but

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it's, it's not forced steps.

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And that just totally

resonated with me that.

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Caterpillar is.

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Designed.

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To become a butterfly.

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That's who it is supposed

to come become like.

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That's the way that it is created.

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And.

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All they have to do is allow

that process to happen.

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And I just think that it it's

the same with us, that you are.

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Designed to become.

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Uh, Butterfly and I don't know, like.

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They all become different

kinds of butterflies and.

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I do think that you have.

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I don't think it's just like, K

like whoever become is who I become.

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Like, I do think it's important to.

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I don't even know if like yeah,

like discover who you want to become

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and what you want to become, but

I don't think you need to force.

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The process.

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I think you, if you, if this

resonates with you this way of

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achieving things, you can allow this.

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Process to happen.

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Allow yourself to.

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Go through the process of.

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Becoming.

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The type of butterfly that

you are designed to become.

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And.

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I will just end this by saying, I know

there's a book called power versus force.

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I think it might be by David Hawkins.

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I'll have to look into that link

in the show notes as well, but.

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I am realizing, I think I want to read

that because I think that's what this.

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Whole podcast episode about and

what I've been processing this week.

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Has been about is this

idea of power versus force.

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So.

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I am starting a new.

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Series.

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I don't know.

453

:

I'm starting something new on my podcast.

454

:

Where I'm going to do a

book club every month.

455

:

So I'm just finalizing the books

that I want to read for the year.

456

:

I'm going to do one book every month.

457

:

If you want, you can read along.

458

:

But the idea is I'm going to have people.

459

:

Signed up like one person

signed up per book.

460

:

That you will also commit to

reading that book and then you'll

461

:

come on the podcast with me.

462

:

And I'll have a few.

463

:

Discussion questions, but we can kind of

just share like, The gist of what the book

464

:

is and then discuss it on the podcast.

465

:

So if you have any book

recommendations for that, . And

466

:

or if you would like to be.

467

:

I guessed in that.

468

:

Way of calming.

469

:

Chat about a book with me DME

on Instagram and let me know.

470

:

And.

471

:

That is all I have for today.

472

:

Thanks for letting me process

and ramble on here today.

473

:

And.

474

:

we'll talk to you next week.

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About the Podcast

Mindful with Media
This is the podcast for entrepreneurial moms who want to grow a meaningful, profitable business without sacrificing their other priorities (like spending time with their kids or getting enough sleep).

Host Alex Fales—business coach, mindset mentor, and mom—shares honest conversations, simple strategies, and powerful mindset shifts to help you and make money doing work you love and grow as a person while you're at it.

Expect solo episodes, authentic chats, and real-life stories that help you blend business strategy with personal growth, so you can build a business that supports your life (not the other way around).

Because you don’t need more hustle.
You need clarity, confidence, and the courage to do business your way.