Episode 80

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Published on:

19th Mar 2025

80 | Book Club: Atomic Habits chat with Ashley

In this week's episode I chat with a good friend about the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. We discuss why setting goals and establishing habits is different as a women (and especially as a mom of young kids), our favorite tips from the book, and how we're applying it to our lives.

Hang out with me on Instagram @thealexfales

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Transcript
Speaker:

I'm Alex, and you're listening to the Mindful with Media podcast.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Okay, well I

have my really good friend Ashley here and

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we both read Atomic Habits by James Clear.

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And so we're just going to chat

about our thoughts about the book

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and kind of some of our takeaways.

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So do you want to start by

sharing kind of a general outline?

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Ashley Driggs: Sure.

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So I love this book.

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It was fun to read.

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Basically he talks a lot about how at

the beginning, the beginning of the

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book is all about how tiny choices.

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Make a big difference and just the

importance of habits and he talks a

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little bit about goals and how goals

are like the overarching the thing that

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we're shooting towards and a lot of times

people will focus on goals rather than

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focusing on the habits and the way To

get there and they'll make everything

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about the goal but he's talked about how

like the difference between someone who

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achieves the goals and the people who

just Hope for goals are the people who

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focus on habits And I really liked just

his intro into the importance of habits.

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And then he went a lot into the four main

things that make up a habit are the cue,

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the craving, the response, and the reward.

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So he talked about with the

cue, making things obvious in

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order to help with the cue.

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And the craving, his main

thing was make it attractive.

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His response.

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was make it easy and the

reward was make it satisfying.

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And he talked about how you can

use this outline to not only help

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you to build a habit, but to help

you to break a habit as well.

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One that is something that

you don't want in your life.

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So basically he said, like, the

first step is to notice your habits

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and say them out loud and try to

figure out what your habits are.

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And then the next step is to use

his outline with the cue craving

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response reward to change the way

that you, you know, to change either

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to start a habit or end a habit.

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And then at the end he talked about

just still persevering and how even

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if you do all these things, you're

still going to end up getting bored.

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Habits are hard and you

still have to persevere.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes,

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that was very well

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Ashley Driggs: outline of

what this book was all about.

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Alex | Mindful with Media:

That was perfect.

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Yeah, I, I think you

captured that perfectly.

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Should we get into kind

of our overall thoughts?

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Maybe I can start.

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I'm actually glad that you shared that

outline because how do I say this?

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I used to be like super Goal happy and

even like habit happy like I was just

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like very I don't know I've always

loved this kind of thing and then I

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don't know over the last several years

I don't know if it's since becoming

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a mom or Just getting older or what?

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I've kind of like totally flipped

the other way where I've been kind of

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like anti goal anti habits like anti

I don't, routines and systems, all the

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things I think in part because I used

to base my value on like, if I was, you

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know, had good habits or whatever.

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And I really had to like realize

like my value doesn't come from

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whether or not I have certain

habits or achieve certain things.

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And so in some ways I was like a little

bit nervous to read this book because I'm

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like, like, how do I feel about things?

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But I actually realized like, oh, like.

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It's like, Ken, you said like it's not

about the goals or even the habits itself.

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And I'll share more about this later, but

like at the end of the book, he's like,

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I wrote this quote down, what'd he say?

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You don't have to build the habits.

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Everyone tells you to build, choose

the habits that best suit you,

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not the one that is most popular.

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And so I just, that

really resonated with me.

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I, I think, yeah, I, I've just,

the more I've learned about like

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feminine and masculine energy, I.

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I used to be very much like have this

like masculine energy and then I've been

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embracing more of this feminine energy

and I feel like this book helped me

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realize like how it can be kind of both.

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Like how I can pull the good parts

of like masculine energy and the

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good parts of feminine energy.

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Anyways, that was

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like a roundabout way to say

my feelings about the book.

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Ashley Driggs: No, I love that.

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I felt really similar.

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Like the end of the book talked so much

about picking the habits that are right

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for you and like focusing on that.

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And it is so true.

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Like, and I feel like we get into

such a comparative nature with

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everybody, especially as moms.

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I feel like it's so easy to

compare to other moms and what

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they're doing or other kids.

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And it is important to pick things that

work for you and are, you know, cause

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he even said he talked a lot about

like if Michael Phelps were to be a

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runner, it wouldn't have been a great

choice for him cause his body type.

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Does it work to be?

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But he was an Olympic, an Olympic athlete.

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He was amazing, but you know, it

wasn't the right choice for him.

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And I do think that it is about

picking what's right for you.

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I love that.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

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And, and I think like once I,

'cause there were a few examples

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he shared of like people achieving

certain things or habits they did.

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And I was just like, ugh.

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Like, it just kinda like made me sick.

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Like the, I think the guy who like

signed the contract with his wife

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and his trainer or something.

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I'm like, it just like, I'm like, no, like

I have no desire to do that whatsoever.

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But then I'm like, if I.

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That's not the right

habit for me, you know?

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Like, if that had been, I don't know

if it's that approach that didn't

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resonate with me or what he was

trying to do that didn't resonate

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with me, but like, that intensity

does not vibe with my personality.

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Ashley Driggs: But see that

intensity vibes with mine

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Really?

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Interesting.

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Ashley Driggs: bit, like since the book,

I started a contract with Ollie, my son,

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to to actually try and like work out more

and be, yeah, he literally prayed for me

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the other day to eat healthier because I

was like, now I have to, he just prayed.

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Alex | Mindful with Media:

that is so cute.

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Ashley Driggs: I better hold you

this and not to the book was so

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intense that it was a little bit

more intense than I could handle

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah.

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Ashley Driggs: But it was like having

a little bit more accountability is

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really like it's something that I need

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Alex | Mindful with Media:

And is helpful for you.

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So has it been working?

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Ashley Driggs: I'm like reporting.

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Yeah.

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Well until yesterday cuz I had a date

yesterday then he We took, he took me

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out and then he wanted to get dessert

and I felt weird being like I can't

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have a bite of your dessert because

my son and I have a contract, which I

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Alex | Mindful with Media: he talks

about that in the book, right?

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Like how you, who, your, your

environment and your social

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setting makes a huge difference.

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Ashley Driggs: It does.

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And I mean, something today that I'm going

to, he said, don't miss a habit twice.

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So he's like, one day is an accident.

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Two days is a new habit.

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And I loved that because I

was like, okay, like I missed

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yesterday, but I'm starting it.

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And it's been amazing.

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I've exercised consistently.

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So starting it with him.

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And I've used a lot of the habits

in the book to help me establish

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some of these new habits.

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Cause I'm like, Hey, this is

something I want, but that's a goal.

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Like it is a goal to

want to eat healthier.

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and work out more.

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And that's the goal I set with my son.

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Like, okay, I'm going to for one

month, eat healthier and work out more.

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And how, how helpful is my

son really questionable?

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Because the other day I like laying

next to him and he's going to bed and he

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has serious fears about going to sleep.

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And he's like, mom, will you

lay next to me all night long?

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And I was like, No,

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he's like, but I'm scared.

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And I'm like, but I've got to go work out.

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Remember we made that goal.

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And he's like, you don't have to today.

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I don't want you to do that today.

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I want you to lay by me.

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So I hope we'll see really

questionable, but he's fine.

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So

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Alex | Mindful with Media: But still

just having that accountability

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of like somebody else and

that, I mean, yeah, yes, that's

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awesome.

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Ashley Driggs: So that's, huge for you.

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But yes, it is about different approaches

and that's, I think this book gave a lot

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of different things that could help in

different, and you have to kind of, and

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that's how these self help books are.

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You have to take what works for you out

of the book and not take everything,

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you know, and not be like, okay,

well, this is what somebody did.

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Now I have to do it.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes, exactly.

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Well, kind of like you were saying, or at

the end of the book, he talks a lot about

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how your personality plays into habits.

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And like, he

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talked about what, like the five

different parts of personality that

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you're like naturally born with.

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I can't remember.

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I don't think I wrote it down, but like

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Ashley Driggs: I wrote that down.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Anyways,

it is, for some reason, like, once I

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viewed the whole book from that lens

of, like, what works for my personality,

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then I was like, oh, okay, like,

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I do, I do actually like this again.

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Ashley Driggs: Yeah.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Well, and

one thing, so I have a client who

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is a goals and habits coach, like

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she, that's what she does is she helps

people with their goals and habits.

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And something that she always talks

about is, like, it's not about the

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goal, kind of like you're saying,

it's not about the end destination.

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It's about choosing habits to

support what you want in your life.

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And like, she does her habits on weekends,

on vacations, like, she always does them.

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And she's like, because if you have the

right habits, you're going to want to do

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them to support you and, like, make your

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life better.

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Ashley Driggs: Yes.

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which is so true, like, and that's, I

mean, that's something he talked about a

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lot too, was about making the habits easy.

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Make them attractive.

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Make it something that you want to do,

even if you're on vacation, you want to

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do it because it's a part of your life.

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It's something that you enjoy.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes, yes.

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And he did talk about how like,

typically, good habits have, I can't

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remember what it was called, but like

basically the reward comes later,

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and like bad habits, the reward comes

immediately, and so you do have to

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like, there are things you can do.

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Mm hmm.

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implement to make the

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reward come sooner kind of thing.

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Have you figured out any like tangible,

practical ways to implement that?

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Ashley Driggs: Well, with my new

workout goal, I basically use kind

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of his whole thing of trying, like

he talks about make things obvious.

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So make it something that you like.

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So like I put on, he talks about

like putting things in earlier.

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So I'll put on my workout clothes

when I put my kids into their pajamas.

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So like I put it into like a routine

that I already have in my life

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because he talks about like adding

things into your already consistent

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routine because I put my kids in my

pajamas and their pajamas every night.

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So

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Alex | Mindful with Media: you

just get your workout clothes

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Ashley Driggs: now I'm getting on my

workout clothes and cause I want to

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establish this habit of working out at

night forever because during the day it's

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just with my kids, it's just inconsistent.

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Like it just doesn't always work.

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I feel like I fell out habits

because something will come up

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and it will be more important.

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Something at school, something with a

kid and then I get out of the habit,

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but I'm like every night they go to bed.

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So

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Alex | Mindful with Media: that happened.

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Yeah, that is already.

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Yeah.

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Ashley Driggs: yeah, and I'm at home with

my kids and so, and then he talked about

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like, even just like making it attractive.

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I watch a show now while I work out

and I really want to watch the show.

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I'm into the show, but I don't let

myself watch it unless I am working out.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Okay.

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Love

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Ashley Driggs: So to make it connected

to it, to make it attractive and

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then just like making it easy.

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So.

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I'm trying to run more.

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I was a runner and I love this.

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Like, okay, this is like a

tangent, but I love the goals.

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He talked about focusing on the goal.

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I mean, the habit instead of the

goal, because once you achieve the

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goal, sometimes you quit the habit.

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So I ran a race last September.

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I worked out, I practiced, I got

into, I was working out all the time.

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I achieved the goal.

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And I'd hurt my ankle, like,

in the process of trying to get

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there, and so I needed to rest it.

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I also, like, I achieved the

goal, and then I was done.

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And I, like, did not

work out, I did not run.

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And so, like, that was a tangent,

but just, like, making it easy.

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So, with this, I was like,

okay, well, I need to run.

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Like, running is what I need to do.

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But I was like, okay, what's

easier than running is walking.

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So, instead of running while I watch

the show, I walk while I watch the show.

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And I walk by three miles, the same thing

I was going to do anyways, and I run

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during commercials because I'm bored.

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And it's a commercial.

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But like, it's made it easy, so it's not

like in my head I'm like, oh, I don't want

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to run because walking is a piece of cake.

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I can walk.

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And so, and then even I found

myself now as it's been a few

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weeks into doing this, like, oh.

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Like, I kind of want to run a little

bit so I'll like run like after the

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commercial I'm like, I'm feeling really

good still like I'll just keep running

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for a few more minutes like, and so I

feel like naturally I'll build up to it

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because it's something I want to do rather

than like, oh, the mental mentality.

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But then it's like, like you said, I

brings it back to the kind of he was

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talking about making the satisfying

and trying to, I mean, I'm not

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getting any reward out of I didn't,

you know, the scale didn't change.

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I'm not really that much shape

for my one workout today.

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And I think for me, yeah.

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That's where my calendar of like

I'm such a type a person and working

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with my son And I put a little star

on my calendar that I did it and for

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me that's rewarding enough like I

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Alex | Mindful with Media:

And he talked about that.

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How like powerful habit trackers can be

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Ashley Driggs: yeah, so for me like a

habit tracker has been helpful for me

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because I put the star on I can see it

it's like It's a calendar up on my mirror

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that my son comes in and he sees it,

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Alex | Mindful with Media: cute.

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Ashley Driggs: so for me, that's

like, that's really helpful.

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But I, but that's not helpful for

everybody because even like you said,

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like, that might not be what helps

everybody get in the habit is just

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checking off a box that they did it.

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They might need something more

than that makes it more satisfying

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than just checking a box.

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Alex | Mindful with Media: And

I think, well, so many things.

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Well, I'll say this and

then I'll get into that.

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But I, like you said, like with

the, the walking and the running he

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talked about Some, there's like some

range that's like, you want it to be

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like the right amount of difficulty.

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Like if it's too easy, then it's

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like not satisfying or something or,

and you don't improve and don't see

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progress and so then it's not fun.

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If it's too hard, it's like way, it's not.

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fun or helpful either.

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And so you want to have

it like this right amount.

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So it's, I, I love that, like

walking is the right amount

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and you're, you're improving.

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So you're naturally wanting to like make

it a little bit harder, which is so cool.

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Ashley Driggs: Yeah.

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Which has been good.

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And you're right.

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It does have to be that right amount

because if I was, and even though I

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have to walk three miles to feel like

I walked enough that I got a workout

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Alex | Mindful with Media:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Ashley Driggs: today I was in a hurry.

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Cause we were going to have this call

and I was like, Oh, I think I'll hurry

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do my workout in the morning today.

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Cause it's Saturday and my

kids are with their dad.

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And I was like, Oh, but I'll

just hurry and walk a mile.

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And then I was like, I don't feel

quite, like, I'm like, I almost might

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work out again tonight, because,

even after they come home, because,

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I, like, that wasn't quite, like,

what I felt, I, do you know what I'm

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes, it

wasn't the, it didn't give you the,

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yeah, it wasn't the challenge you wanted.

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Which he does talk about

that too, of like, you know,

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something is better than nothing.

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We get into this like all or nothing.

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Well, I don't have time for

a whole three miles, so I'm

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just not going to do anything.

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Like you still, you supported that

identity of like, I work out every day.

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Ashley Driggs: yes, which is huge.

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The other day, I was that exact thing,

well, it wasn't that exact thing, but I

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was really into a book, because I'm an

audiobook person, hence this whole thing.

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like this, so I could not put it down.

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I was at the end and I was like, but I,

I can't listen to books while I walk.

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I don't know why it is like,

it's really hard for me.

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Like, it's not engaging enough.

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Like if I just am sitting a book, I have

to like, play like a Tetris game on my

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phone to like, keep my brain engaged.

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I don't know what my deal is.

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It's a weird deal.

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But I was like, okay, but I

could do push ups while I listen.

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Why?

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Why can I do push ups while I

listen, but Talk of trouble.

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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But I was like, okay, I'm

still gonna do something.

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I'm gonna do push ups.

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I'm gonna do squats.

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I'm gonna do, like, straight

training today, even though

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it's not my regular routine.

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It's not and was it as good of a workout?

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No, because did I do it

as long as I should've?

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No, I did 10 minutes.

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Like,

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Alex | Mindful with Media: But you did

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it!

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Which is, like, the huge deal.

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Ashley Driggs: And I think that is

so huge, like still doing something.

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My sister, I talked to her a little bit

about the book afterwards, and she was

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talking about how important it is to have

something, like when you're working out,

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to have something shorter that you could

do for days that you truly are busy.

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Like having your workout

routine in a shorter version

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or having a condensed version.

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I think sometimes it is hard,

like I'll find myself, well,

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I'm just going to do the shorter

version because that's an option,

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah.

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Ashley Driggs: you can't get into that

habit of like making that the habit,

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which is where he says, you know, like

missing one day is one thing, missing,

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you know, like stick habit multiple days.

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So

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Alex | Mindful with Media: Totally.

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Any other I mean, I

have more too, but yeah.

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Any other, like, main takeaways that

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Ashley Driggs: I think I

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Alex | Mindful with Media: we had?

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Ashley Driggs: like was just, he

talked about the big, the difference

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that like a small choice can make.

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And this was like, It brought me

back to, I used to have budgeting

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conversations when I was married,

obviously, every couple does.

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And I'd be like, okay, like we

went over the budget this month,

373

:

like what can we do to fix things?

374

:

And I would pull up, like my

ex really loved to eat out.

375

:

It was like his thing.

376

:

I could make him lunch and he would

leave it in the fridge at work and it

377

:

wouldn't matter how hard I tried to like

get him out of this habit of eating out.

378

:

And I would be like, You know, hun,

this, like, you're eating out too much,

379

:

it's impacting the budget, like, you're

eating out almost every day, like,

380

:

this is, it adds a lot, and he's like,

ten dollars isn't that much money,

381

:

and I'm like, yeah, but ten dollars

every day is a lot, like, that's a lot,

382

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: That's like,

383

:

what, 3, 000 a year or something?

384

:

Ashley Driggs: yeah, something like

385

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

Or like 36, yeah, right?

386

:

Like 3, 600 a year?

387

:

Ashley Driggs: I mean, about,

388

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah.

389

:

Ashley Driggs: But like,

it's a lot of money.

390

:

And he was like, yeah, but he's, but

he would be like, Oh, like if we're

391

:

going to make a change to our budget,

we need to focus on things that

392

:

would cost like a hundred dollars.

393

:

And I'm like, okay, well, a lot of the

things that are costing like a hundred

394

:

dollars, we can't like, well, that

was the gas for, I can't change that.

395

:

Like some of these I like, those

are just part of our life right

396

:

now, but the small things we

really can do to make a difference.

397

:

And so I like that when he talked about

like any choice, like the little habits

398

:

we make, they really do make a difference.

399

:

And he, I mean, he talked

about like what it was.

400

:

And he talked about like negative things.

401

:

Like he talked about

like a loop depression.

402

:

He was like, if you think negatively.

403

:

He's like, one negative thought

isn't going to kill you.

404

:

But if you get in the habit of thinking

one negative thought every day, like

405

:

you just start cycling into like a

mode of depression, like even thought,

406

:

like it doesn't even have to be money,

like even little thoughts you make,

407

:

like these little choices every day.

408

:

And I think that's where like the

atomic part comes in atomic habits.

409

:

It's the little things that we do, they're

going to make such a big difference.

410

:

And I think.

411

:

Looking at your life and instead of

saying, I want to achieve this big

412

:

goal, what can I do to get there?

413

:

Thinking, how can I make little changes

to my life will make a huge difference.

414

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes, that's

such a good example, that story you

415

:

shared, of the budget, because it does

seem like, well, it's not that big of

416

:

a deal, but it does add up over time,

yeah, for positive or for, for negative.

417

:

That made me think of something.

418

:

I can't remember.

419

:

I don't know.

420

:

Something about the atomic part of it,

421

:

Ashley Driggs: That's okay.

422

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

you know, but yeah.

423

:

I, I feel like because that was

at the beginning of the book, I

424

:

kind of like forgot about that.

425

:

Oh, the, the British cycling team,

which I had heard that story before.

426

:

I think actually it's

in general conference.

427

:

I think someone shared,

428

:

Ashley Driggs: I think it was

429

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: right.

430

:

But how, yeah, they were like so bad

for so many years and then they just

431

:

started making these teeny tiny changes.

432

:

Oh, I know what I was going to say.

433

:

He kept, he talked about like

his decision journal or something

434

:

that was on his website.

435

:

I have no idea what a

decision, decision journal.

436

:

is.

437

:

I guess he kind of talked about

it, but I'm like so curious

438

:

about that of like, anyways,

439

:

Ashley Driggs: I don't know how he

implemented that either, but it is cool.

440

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: yeah, I'm

like, I want to look into that because

441

:

I like the idea of like making powerful

decisions, making small powerful decisions

442

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah.

443

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: every day.

444

:

Oh, a takeaway that I had was, and you

mentioned this, but This really resonated

445

:

with me of being comfortable with boredom.

446

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

447

:

Yes.

448

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: says, he

mentioned this several times throughout

449

:

the book, but towards the beginning,

he says, changes that seem small and

450

:

unimportant at first will compound

into remarkable results if you're

451

:

willing to stick with them for years.

452

:

And it's true.

453

:

Like those little.

454

:

Tiny things can kind of get boring

like I think like I go to bed Weirdly

455

:

early and I used to think it like

made me a boring person because I'm

456

:

like, I don't know Leaving the parties

early going to bed early and not that

457

:

it has to be that but like It really

has made a huge impact on my physical

458

:

health and my mental health and

459

:

my energy levels during the day.

460

:

Ashley Driggs: And it's such

a little decision, but it's

461

:

making a big difference.

462

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

463

:

Yes.

464

:

And I see this all the time with

like a lot of my clients who have

465

:

businesses where You know, posting

on social media, or, like, just doing

466

:

those tasks, podcasting, or doing

the things where you don't get this

467

:

huge, like, dopamine rush every time.

468

:

Like, you do at the beginning.

469

:

It's like, oh my gosh, like,

470

:

comments and followers

and, yeah, like, results.

471

:

And then it just kind of becomes, like,

You just keep doing it, but I feel

472

:

like that is where the power happens,

is when you just keep showing up.

473

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

474

:

And that's, it's so true.

475

:

Like, I mean, that's when we give up.

476

:

I feel like it's like at the beginning,

things are really exciting and I feel like

477

:

sometimes like somebody told me not to

tell people the things you were working

478

:

towards because you would get like this.

479

:

People be like, Oh my gosh,

you're eating healthy.

480

:

I'm so proud of you.

481

:

And you would like fulfill like,

Oh, like that was satisfying.

482

:

They say.

483

:

And then it would like fulfill it

and then you would be done because

484

:

you didn't want to keep going

485

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes,

486

:

Ashley Driggs: like and you got like the

praise and so some of the satisfaction

487

:

already came because the satisfying

is the end of that in of his cue cycle

488

:

like the cue craving response reward

489

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: right.

490

:

Yeah, yeah,

491

:

Ashley Driggs: and that's the end and

I think that if we like it's easy to

492

:

have that reward go away I think that's

the hardest thing to keep You know,

493

:

consistent with this is that, yeah,

all of a sudden you have followers or

494

:

all of a sudden this happens, but then

like the reward starts to diminish.

495

:

And if we do, we become bored,

become, become sick of it.

496

:

And then we look for something else.

497

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

Yes, yes, exactly.

498

:

So if you can stick with things

that feel boring, and until

499

:

it becomes a habit, right?

500

:

Or, yeah, until it becomes a habit.

501

:

And, or, until you start

to experience those, like,

502

:

delayed rewards, you know, the,

503

:

you know, your body's energy levels

after working out or, like, business,

504

:

you start making certain amounts of

money and, or, like, I'll have clients.

505

:

Like, I started building relationships

with years ago, like when I

506

:

first started my business, that

are just now wanting to hire me.

507

:

And it's like, I'm so glad that I, like,

stuck with this and kept doing this so

508

:

that when they are ready to pay, like, I'm

still here, you know, ready to serve them.

509

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

510

:

Which is so true.

511

:

And yeah, you're making those

connections, but they might not need you

512

:

immediately, but you have going with it.

513

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes,

I'm probably, I'm sure you probably

514

:

see that with photography too.

515

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah.

516

:

I feel like, I mean, all the

time, especially I do a lot of

517

:

newborn pictures and so like people

aren't having babies every day.

518

:

This is it.

519

:

They, but they remember if you have

made that connection when they do

520

:

have a baby, then they remember.

521

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

522

:

It's like, I cannot remember the quote,

but my, my coach right now, she often

523

:

says like, if you plant seeds every

day, there will come a day when you're,

524

:

you're harvesting the fruit every day.

525

:

You know, like if you plant

526

:

a seed every day, then eventually

you're going to harvest every day.

527

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah.

528

:

But it takes time

529

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah, exactly.

530

:

And so like accepting that in a day and

age where we're used to those immediate.

531

:

Rewards and even like he was saying

like our our brains are designed

532

:

that way to crave immediate rewards

533

:

Ashley Driggs: when I think that's

why he talks so much about giving

534

:

yourself an immediate reward

535

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes, yes

536

:

Ashley Driggs: consequence.

537

:

Like I wrote down on there, like, how can

I make eating bad, less attractive to me?

538

:

Because I get immediate,

like, Oh, that tastes so good.

539

:

But I'm like, okay, what can I

do to make this less attractive?

540

:

Because that's how you break a habit is

541

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

Yeah, did you have any ideas?

542

:

Ashley Driggs: I'm still stuck

543

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

Okay, yeah, I'm like, hmm,

544

:

I don't know.

545

:

Ashley Driggs: Cause like you, you

feel gross, but not till later.

546

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Exactly,

it's like the immediate, yeah,

547

:

the immediate, the reward is, for

me it's often like social too.

548

:

Kind of like what you were saying,

but with my kids, like I love like,

549

:

my kids want to go get a treat

and I'm like, yeah, let's go get

550

:

a treat, like that sounds fun.

551

:

And I don't want to like give that

up either because I, I value that,

552

:

like that connection, you know?

553

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

554

:

Oh no, I totally get that.

555

:

Actually.

556

:

Olivia, we do in our

neighborhood, we do treat Friday.

557

:

So this girl in my next door neighbor

does she makes a treat once a

558

:

week and has all the neighborhood

kids over and it's really great.

559

:

But Olivia was talking about how she

walked she's trying to eat healthier and

560

:

she wants to eat the treats so badly.

561

:

So yesterday she had an apple and

a cheese stick with her because

562

:

she's like, I want to just at least.

563

:

Eat something

564

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Hmm.

565

:

Ashley Driggs: that like to be eating

with you to help me like not want like

566

:

to at least get that social like eating.

567

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

Yes, because it's a thing

568

:

to like eat together socially.

569

:

Yeah.

570

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

571

:

I feel like the only thing I've been

able to do to try and help with it

572

:

is I have gum that I really like.

573

:

So I'll have

574

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: you go.

575

:

Ashley Driggs: treats in the pantry.

576

:

So I'm like, okay, instead of

grabbing the treat, I'm going to

577

:

chew on some gum because I can't

eat anything if gum's in my mouth.

578

:

I can't even just like, you know,

finish it and then go for the

579

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

580

:

Yes.

581

:

Because it's still there.

582

:

That's actually smart.

583

:

Ashley Driggs: That's the only thing.

584

:

out.

585

:

And but I get it.

586

:

You don't want to give up

these connections of these

587

:

moments with your kids.

588

:

So it's hard.

589

:

I mean, getting my son

on board has been great.

590

:

He wanted ice cream the other day

and he's like, we want to give

591

:

me ice cream mom, but not you.

592

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: So then you

can still have the fun experience, because

593

:

sometimes it is that, like, like, We'll

go to get cookies or something and I'm

594

:

like just not feeling one and so I'll

just get them for the kids and we can

595

:

still have this like positive bonding

experience and I don't have to eat it.

596

:

But this is totally different and we can

come back, but not totally different.

597

:

But I was meeting with a she's like

a fitness, nutrition, life coach all

598

:

combined into one and I was talking

with her about like, I just love the

599

:

idea of intuitive eating, you know, and

just like, but I was like, I feel like

600

:

I need to retrain my body to crave the

types of foods that it actually needs.

601

:

And it was so cool talking with her

because she's like, I think you're

602

:

probably closer than you already think.

603

:

Like, cause I was talking about like,

I love my, like, I actually, anyways

604

:

my go to treat at home is I'll melt

chocolate chips and then I'll mix peanut

605

:

butter in and then I'll put powdered

sugar in and like mix it all together.

606

:

And it's like a Reese's mixture.

607

:

I don't know.

608

:

Like it kind of tastes like

Reese's, but it's like just enough

609

:

effort that I can't just like.

610

:

Grab it all day long,

you know, like I have to

611

:

like and then my kids want it And so I

have to anyways typically that's like

612

:

enough of a barrier to like make it

only happen sometimes But I was saying

613

:

how I like I crave that and I was like

especially like, you know The week before

614

:

my period and she's like talking about

hormone health and like the hormones

615

:

before your period you need a lot of

Fats what has fat in it the peanut butter

616

:

and like just realizing like you're

probably already craving the things your

617

:

body needs and like Like, I don't know,

just like recognizing the value of that.

618

:

And then like, yeah, if you

want, you can like shift it

619

:

to a more nutrient dense food.

620

:

It's like, oh, like I'm

craving something really fatty.

621

:

Maybe I'll have an avocado

or nuts instead or something.

622

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

623

:

To try and shift because your body

does need the things that it's craving.

624

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

625

:

Yeah.

626

:

Anyways, that was like a

helpful like shift for me.

627

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah, that interesting.

628

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah.

629

:

Yeah.

630

:

What other takeaways did you have?

631

:

Ashley Driggs: Let's see.

632

:

Reference back to my notes.

633

:

I guess going back to it, look, we talked

about it briefly for a minute, but they

634

:

talked a lot about like surrounding

yourself with people who do your habits.

635

:

And I've thought a lot about like,

even habits, but like, I don't

636

:

necessarily want so all of you guys

are the thousand hours outside.

637

:

You guys are invested in that.

638

:

And sometimes I'm bitter because

I don't want to go outside.

639

:

And it's all But I want

to hang out with you!

640

:

I'm like, but it's an awesome thing

because I'm surrounding myself with

641

:

people who are doing this goal, so then

642

:

I do it.

643

:

And I've never felt any

desire to track this.

644

:

Like, it is not, that is not for me.

645

:

I don't even have full, like, I

have my kids most of the time,

646

:

but I don't have them, you know, I

don't have them ever on Saturdays.

647

:

Like, I don't, I don't feel like I have

quite as much control over all of this.

648

:

And I'm like, You know, it's not for

me, but I'm so glad that I'm friends

649

:

with people who are outside people

because it makes like, I'm like,

650

:

I would still be, I'm like, well,

I'm outside because you're outside.

651

:

You're making, like, not making

me, I want to be with you.

652

:

And so I feel like any habit that

we want to do, having friends and

653

:

people who are in, you know, just that

environment for us can be so huge.

654

:

And it's an interesting thing.

655

:

I feel like bad habits to like, I

mean, it's not even something you

656

:

necessarily have to change, but

things are easier or harder depending.

657

:

So if you're starting habit, having.

658

:

You know, the people do it, but it's

also, I mean, it's also hard to find,

659

:

you know, you're probably already with

people who are doing your same habits.

660

:

So finding people to

help you like change your

661

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah.

662

:

Yes.

663

:

And, and I think we don't even

realize it because he talked

664

:

about in the book, right?

665

:

Like just our, that innate desire

to be accepted by the tribe.

666

:

innate survival instinct to want to

be accepted and invited to the outside

667

:

activities even if you're not doing 1000

668

:

hours outside and, you know,

669

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

670

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

well, and even yeah.

671

:

Yeah.

672

:

Like we want anyways,

that's super interesting.

673

:

And I just think about like, I wonder

what habits I have that I don't

674

:

even realize have been impacted by

675

:

Ashley Driggs: By the people around you.

676

:

Oh, for sure.

677

:

Or even like the way that we all

grew up, like those things, like

678

:

the habits that your fam, your

mom implemented in your home.

679

:

Like the things that I do

now, because my mom did it.

680

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

681

:

Oh, totally.

682

:

Do You find yourself saying things and

you're like, Oh my gosh, that was my mom.

683

:

Ashley Driggs: yes, or even just

like the way that I run my house

684

:

that I'm like, Oh, you, you don't

wash your dishes like this or you

685

:

don't do like, that's how you do it.

686

:

Like, what do you mean?

687

:

That's not what you, you know,

and just the way that we are

688

:

raised even just is that's an

environment that's really, you know.

689

:

You know, big to us.

690

:

So that's interesting.

691

:

That's just interesting to me.

692

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah.

693

:

And that's why I like how he talks

about just like being aware of your

694

:

habits first, because I think if you

can bring awareness to what habits you

695

:

have, what habits you want, and then

you can start to notice, okay, like what

696

:

type of people are influencing this.

697

:

These kind of habits and I, I honestly,

I'm, I'm sure like, like you say, like

698

:

our friend group, I'm sure I'm way more

influenced than I even realize, like,

699

:

believes how I parent what I feed my kids.

700

:

Like

701

:

Ashley Driggs: Oh, yeah, for sure.

702

:

For sure.

703

:

I actually told something today.

704

:

I'm like, I, I feel like our friends

are all, they feed, they feed their

705

:

kids, like, very healthy things.

706

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: they, do.

707

:

Ashley Driggs: they're

really on top of it.

708

:

And it's amazing.

709

:

And I do feel like there's a

little bit of pre reporting.

710

:

peer pressure that I'm like,

okay, I need to make sure I pack

711

:

an apple and a cheese stick too.

712

:

Like I've got to try and be healthy

because I'm getting judged because

713

:

my kid there, cause their kids are

coming over to eat all the goldfish.

714

:

And like, I don't want to be the

person who's like impacting their

715

:

goals, even like in a negative way.

716

:

I know that they're trying to like

help their kids eat healthier.

717

:

And I don't want to be like.

718

:

The thing that's holding them back

because their kid comes over and is like

719

:

crying because they want some of my fruit

snacks or whatever, like, I don't want

720

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: That

is actually so true that I haven't

721

:

even thought about that, but I

am totally influenced by how our

722

:

friends feed their kids where

723

:

I'm like, Oh, maybe I should

pack more cuties or more.

724

:

Yeah.

725

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah, and I mean,

it's a good thing though, like,

726

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes, yes,

727

:

Ashley Driggs: my kids healthily, like,

it's a good, you know, it's a good

728

:

thing, but it's not something that

was a stress to me, like, health, I

729

:

try and feed my kids healthy, but I'm

not like an obsessive person, like,

730

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

it's not your top priority,

731

:

Ashley Driggs: not my priority,

like, I want them to be healthy.

732

:

My goal is for them to

eat some food, like,

733

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: right?

734

:

Ashley Driggs: so, but it's, but

it's awesome to be influenced.

735

:

And even like our kids, like

they're seeing their friends eat

736

:

healthier food, then they're being

influenced to eat healthier food.

737

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: It's so true.

738

:

That's so true.

739

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah.

740

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Well, I'm glad

that you, you're not annoyed that everyone

741

:

always comes to you for the fruit snacks.

742

:

I

743

:

always feel bad that way.

744

:

I'm like, I'm sorry, Ashley.

745

:

Like,

746

:

Ashley Driggs: gosh.

747

:

No, I grew up in a house.

748

:

See, that's also like, I grew up in a

house where my parents, like all the kids

749

:

came over and they had all the snacks

and all the things and everyone ate.

750

:

My mom's house was like the party

house and everyone came over and

751

:

she loved it and like kids, like our

friends were like bonus kids to her.

752

:

And so I feel like I felt that way

about like my kids friends and that's

753

:

like, that's what I grew up in.

754

:

Like everyone comes over for snacks and

755

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Well,

756

:

and I feel like that's like such

a good thing coming back to like,

757

:

what was the quote about like

choosing habits that you want?

758

:

And, you know, like maybe someone

has a habit if they want their

759

:

kids to Eat certain types of food.

760

:

And you have a, I don't even know

if you call it a habit, but like,

761

:

that you want people to feel welcome

762

:

around you and your house and

763

:

included and like, they're

both good, you know, not

764

:

viewing as like one better than the other.

765

:

It's just like both good things.

766

:

Ashley Driggs: yeah, for sure.

767

:

I don't even think environment

isn't even necessarily people.

768

:

Something my mom always said growing up.

769

:

We had, it's kind of crazy,

my mom is really into candy.

770

:

Okay, and so she had candy jars.

771

:

We had like this like shelf in our

basement and she had like 10 candy

772

:

bar Big giant jars full of full size

candy bars that was constantly full she

773

:

would like fill them up at Costco and

like every other month she would fill

774

:

up these jars and they were constantly

full of full size candy bars and

775

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

always in your house.

776

:

Ashley Driggs: Always in my house always

out always there and she talked a lot

777

:

about how like when our friends would

come over They would like go crazy.

778

:

Like they would be so excited.

779

:

They could have all this candy They

have but like she's like, okay, but my

780

:

kids don't actually eat that much candy

because people are like, how can you have

781

:

this out in your house with your kids?

782

:

Like they have access to endless

amounts of candy all the time.

783

:

And she's like, because they have

access to it all the time, they

784

:

know that like, it's okay for them

to have a candy bar if they want

785

:

to, but also they don't have that.

786

:

Like, it's so special.

787

:

Like almost like

788

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

scarcity mindset around it of

789

:

Ashley Driggs: yes.

790

:

I've

791

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: He's got

only chance to get it and I'm gonna

792

:

devour it

793

:

Ashley Driggs: like this is so

attractive and I'm craving it

794

:

because I never see it, because the

attractiveness lost its attractiveness

795

:

because it was there all the time.

796

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: interesting.

797

:

That's so fascinating

798

:

because that might be backwards of

what some people, I think he even

799

:

talks about the book of like, well,

just don't have certain food in your

800

:

house, which like I get that too,

801

:

but it's also like the opposite's

true too, to like, just not have this

802

:

scarcity around

803

:

Ashley Driggs: I do think the

opposite is harder though.

804

:

Cause I have thought of that too.

805

:

Like, okay, I just don't want this in

my house because it's too tempting.

806

:

I'm going to eat it.

807

:

I'm going to see, I'm going to eat it.

808

:

I'm going to eat it.

809

:

But I think that this one's a longer game.

810

:

I mean, originally, obviously, at

first she puts the candy out and we're

811

:

excited and we're eating the candy.

812

:

It takes longer for us to get bored

of the candy being there than it did

813

:

for, do you know what I'm saying?

814

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: yes.

815

:

Yeah.

816

:

Yeah.

817

:

Yeah.

818

:

It's a long game.

819

:

Like you say,

820

:

Ashley Driggs: towards a

bad habit, which it is.

821

:

I mean, you do have to

address these things.

822

:

I mean, it's hard to see the results.

823

:

The long results of even

bad habit breaking can be

824

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Interesting.

825

:

That's super fascinating.

826

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah,

827

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: This is a

little bit related to that, but one thing

828

:

I really liked he talked about was like

focus on systems and not just goals.

829

:

This just really resonates with

me like systems not the goals,

830

:

especially with housework.

831

:

I You know how people talk about

like a goal to put your house to

832

:

bed every night, you know or like

833

:

stuff like that that I can't.

834

:

I'm like, why do I have all

these like, icky feelings

835

:

towards like, I must do this.

836

:

I don't know.

837

:

It just like, makes me feel so

icky inside of like, having that.

838

:

And I think for lots of reasons, like

that one specifically, I think because

839

:

I prioritize sleep so much and I'm, I'm

more of a morning person than a night

840

:

owl that I'm like, why would I sacrifice

sleep to clean my house at night?

841

:

But I feel like if I have a good system?

842

:

Like for, you know, like, okay,

after we eat dinner, as my kids are

843

:

playing downstairs, then I'll load

the dishwasher and get it started.

844

:

Or like laundry.

845

:

I feel like I have a really good

system for laundry right now.

846

:

Like, I have a certain type of load.

847

:

I start each morning and then

Matt transfers it and then we

848

:

trade off days who folds it.

849

:

And like, if I have a really good

system, it just makes it so Easy,

850

:

like I don't even have to think

about it and not like I have a goal

851

:

to do this every day or whatever.

852

:

It's just like, Oh,

like this is just what I

853

:

do.

854

:

Ashley Driggs: a few.

855

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: me.

856

:

Yeah.

857

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

858

:

Oh, I love that because I've been trying

to get a new laundry system because I

859

:

felt like I tried for a while having like

a laundry day where I had like you know,

860

:

I did all the laundry, push it through.

861

:

And then I would look at it like

this mountain of laundry at night

862

:

and I'm like, I'm not doing that.

863

:

Like, this is so overwhelming.

864

:

I cannot do that.

865

:

So I've been trying to do a load a day

and just like, constantly having like one

866

:

load that I put in, but I think having

like a specific, like, it's been hard for

867

:

me to start because I just don't remember

to do it because it wasn't in the habit.

868

:

So I think that's where he like

talked about like connecting it

869

:

to something you're already doing.

870

:

So it's like, What's the,

everything's with bedtime routine.

871

:

See, I'm a night person,

872

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Okay.

873

:

Yeah, we're the opposite.

874

:

Ashley Driggs: everything is at night.

875

:

So I'm like, okay, like, the noise of the

washing machine bugs my kid going to sleep

876

:

because he, like, he'll hear the noise.

877

:

It's right next to his

bedroom and it bugs him.

878

:

So, but the dryer's kind of okay, like,

because it's just kind of white noise.

879

:

So I, like, I know how long it takes my

bedtime routine, how long it takes a load.

880

:

So I'm like, okay, right as I

like go to put them in the bath, I

881

:

hurry and put in a load of laundry.

882

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: smart.

883

:

Ashley Driggs: So then it's like, because

my bedtime routine, it was already solid.

884

:

My, it was like the easiest

thing to put, add things onto.

885

:

I'm like, all right.

886

:

I, you know, I put them in a

load of laundry, get the kids

887

:

in the bath, you know, get them

changed, put on my workout clothes.

888

:

Like it's easy to add things.

889

:

And then And that's made it

easier for me to remember.

890

:

Push a load through every day.

891

:

And then, right now, I'm like, I

can't even show you, but I have a

892

:

load, because I moved the laundry

right before you came, but you

893

:

called, but I have a load of laundry.

894

:

Instead of putting it in my room, because

in my room, it's just in a basket.

895

:

I'm never going to do it.

896

:

I'm never going to fold it.

897

:

So I like to make it obvious.

898

:

I literally take it.

899

:

My laundry machine is in my hallway.

900

:

So I take it and I just shove it

on the floor in the middle of the

901

:

hallway, which drives me nuts.

902

:

I, I can't be walking over this all day.

903

:

Like is in the way.

904

:

And so I will fold it because.

905

:

It's obvious and it's bugging me.

906

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: That's perfect.

907

:

That's the

908

:

perfect application of his.

909

:

Ashley Driggs: so that's how I've

been trying to implement that.

910

:

But I love that you have

like, once you have it as your

911

:

routine, then you just do it.

912

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

913

:

And it's like,

914

:

Ashley Driggs: have to think about it.

915

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: right, you

know, like life happens, you know,

916

:

things happen where it's like, we,

Matt had a basketball game at 6pm.

917

:

And so I didn't start the

dishwasher right then.

918

:

And so then I didn't start it that night.

919

:

And I started in the

morning and it's fine.

920

:

You know, like, you know, just

like, oh, and I can, I love that you

921

:

brought up the, the, what was it?

922

:

Skip it once, not twice or

923

:

whatever it was

924

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes.

925

:

His quote was, where is it exactly?

926

:

Because it's a good one.

927

:

Oh, it's says don't miss your habit twice.

928

:

One day is an accident.

929

:

Two days is a new habit.

930

:

Alex | Mindful with Media:

yes, that was so good.

931

:

Cause it's like, I think a speck, not.

932

:

Yeah, especially if you have young kids

933

:

that you're the primary caregiver

for, it's, life is so unpredictable.

934

:

And I love how you use it to your

strength, where you like, already have

935

:

these solid routines because of your kids.

936

:

Or if you didn't have young kids, you

might not have those solid routines.

937

:

But like, you know, you can

use that to your advantage.

938

:

I really like that shift because I

think it's easy for me to be like, well,

939

:

it's not a good time for habits because

I have young kids when it's actually

940

:

like, this is great time to add on

941

:

habits.

942

:

Ashley Driggs: When I even think with

that thought, I mean, I'm in a unique

943

:

situation kids wise because I'm divorced.

944

:

So I don't have my kids

Friday night to Saturdays.

945

:

And I've noticed like,

I didn't do my routines.

946

:

I said, I did not work out because

I didn't put my kids to bed.

947

:

I didn't put on my workout clothes.

948

:

The routine was gone.

949

:

And I think for people who don't have kids

and don't have quite that consistency,

950

:

like their weekends are just like,

they might have a solid habit all the

951

:

weekdays, but then their weekend, like.

952

:

It's different.

953

:

You know, I mean, I think back to

before I had kids and I was just a

954

:

teacher and yeah, I had solid routines.

955

:

I did.

956

:

And then the weekends,

everything was out the door.

957

:

Like, you know, it was just kind

of free, like, but I think even

958

:

establishing routines for times that

things are different is also important.

959

:

Like, at least for me, I mean, right

now I have, like, I have Saturday

960

:

routines now that I try to like,

okay, this is something that I do on

961

:

Saturdays when my kids aren't here.

962

:

And I'm trying to like

establish my own routines.

963

:

Yeah.

964

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Cool.

965

:

Cool to like, but yeah, that

takes effort in a different way

966

:

because you can't habit stack as much.

967

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah.

968

:

Which is harder.

969

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

970

:

I'm trying to see what else I had on here.

971

:

Oh, I really loved this is something that

I, have talked a lot about a lot with

972

:

clients in the past, but he used the terms

being in motion versus being in action.

973

:

And I feel like this is like really

applicable with business because a lot of

974

:

times people have these ideas and they're

planning and they're strategizing and

975

:

all these things, but they never take

action, like invite someone to join their

976

:

offer or post on social media or like.

977

:

Do the actual thing.

978

:

And so just being aware that like both are

important, like planning and strategizing,

979

:

and that can be same with your habits, you

know, like plan, you know like a training

980

:

plan for a race or like making a schedule

or talking about, you know, creating

981

:

a new system, but then like actually

doing it is where the, the power comes.

982

:

Ashley Driggs: Yes, absolutely.

983

:

And he talks about that so much in

his book, like You can make goals

984

:

all day, you can make plans all day,

but until you do something, like,

985

:

nothing's gonna happen, you know?

986

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: he talked

a lot and this made me really curious

987

:

about myself how like just the power

of recording because sometimes not

988

:

sometimes He's his opinion is we

think we're doing better than we are

989

:

That was So I was like,

oh, is that true for me?

990

:

Like anyways, I thought that was an

interesting point kind of that same lines

991

:

of When you actually like record things

you might you might be doing a lot on

992

:

your head, but not actually doing anything

993

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah, it's so true.

994

:

Or even like, missing, even in the bad

sense too, like, you might not realize

995

:

you're doing something that you are.

996

:

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

997

:

Yes.

998

:

Yeah,

999

:

Ashley Driggs: Yeah, for sure.

:

00:44:07,477 --> 00:44:08,447

Alex | Mindful with Media: Let's see.

:

00:44:09,397 --> 00:44:12,307

I feel like you shared some

specifics of how you want to apply

:

00:44:12,307 --> 00:44:14,787

this to your life, how you already

are applying this to your life.

:

00:44:15,577 --> 00:44:17,277

Did you have anything else on that?

:

00:44:17,922 --> 00:44:18,882

Ashley Driggs: I mean, different ways.

:

00:44:19,192 --> 00:44:21,652

I mean, I have another goal

I've applied it to, but

:

00:44:21,657 --> 00:44:22,247

Alex | Mindful with Media:

Yeah, let's hear

:

00:44:22,292 --> 00:44:22,652

Ashley Driggs: about it?

:

00:44:22,722 --> 00:44:23,152

Sure.

:

00:44:23,672 --> 00:44:26,622

Okay, so I have a goal

this year to play it.

:

00:44:26,902 --> 00:44:32,862

A song on the piano in church, which is

a really hard goal for me because I am

:

00:44:32,862 --> 00:44:34,352

terrified to play the piano for people.

:

00:44:34,352 --> 00:44:36,592

I'm like, I'm literally a piano teacher.

:

00:44:36,807 --> 00:44:37,727

Alex | Mindful with Media: And it

was like, don't you teach piano?

:

00:44:38,102 --> 00:44:39,452

Ashley Driggs: I teach piano.

:

00:44:39,462 --> 00:44:39,882

Okay.

:

00:44:39,962 --> 00:44:45,722

And I have always like had a lot of like,

I felt like I was like, I'm a decent

:

00:44:45,762 --> 00:44:48,702

pianist, but I am not like my friends.

:

00:44:48,732 --> 00:44:50,342

I always had a friend

who was better than me.

:

00:44:50,342 --> 00:44:53,542

I, there was always somebody and I like

never wanted to play the piano for people

:

00:44:53,552 --> 00:44:57,562

because I knew that my level wasn't as

good as they're like, there was always

:

00:44:57,572 --> 00:44:59,017

somebody who was, Better at piano.

:

00:44:59,027 --> 00:45:02,007

And literally one of my friends in

high school is like a concert pianist.

:

00:45:02,027 --> 00:45:02,237

Okay.

:

00:45:02,237 --> 00:45:03,067

He's insane.

:

00:45:03,077 --> 00:45:04,277

Like the best pianist you've ever heard.

:

00:45:04,687 --> 00:45:05,057

Okay.

:

00:45:05,187 --> 00:45:09,357

So like this has always been, and

like, I know I'm decently good.

:

00:45:09,357 --> 00:45:10,267

I taught piano in high school.

:

00:45:10,267 --> 00:45:11,227

I teach piano right now.

:

00:45:11,227 --> 00:45:13,097

Like I could teach beginners piano.

:

00:45:13,097 --> 00:45:14,287

I'm very confident in that.

:

00:45:14,737 --> 00:45:15,757

And I'm a teacher.

:

00:45:15,757 --> 00:45:18,667

So that's, you know, by profession

anyways, I was a math teacher,

:

00:45:18,997 --> 00:45:23,077

but it's one of my goals is that

I want to, like, I used to play

:

00:45:23,107 --> 00:45:26,377

songs in church with my ex husband.

:

00:45:26,877 --> 00:45:28,567

He was a violinist and

:

00:45:28,927 --> 00:45:29,157

Alex | Mindful with Media: that.

:

00:45:29,177 --> 00:45:29,397

No

:

00:45:29,503 --> 00:45:32,333

Ashley Driggs: yeah, so I mean, as you

probably didn't know that because we

:

00:45:32,333 --> 00:45:34,293

only did it once after having children,

:

00:45:34,447 --> 00:45:34,757

Alex | Mindful with Media: Okay.

:

00:45:34,883 --> 00:45:37,893

Ashley Driggs: because it was way harder

when you have a kid who's like screaming

:

00:45:37,903 --> 00:45:43,113

that they need you right during church

to actually accomplish that goal.

:

00:45:43,533 --> 00:45:43,963

So.

:

00:45:44,593 --> 00:45:48,853

We used to play the piano during

church and like, and I could accompany

:

00:45:48,853 --> 00:45:50,453

him because I was in the background.

:

00:45:50,673 --> 00:45:54,393

Like it was really easy for me to go,

I mean, I was still nervous, but having

:

00:45:54,393 --> 00:45:56,433

him be like the violence is the focus.

:

00:45:56,443 --> 00:45:57,473

Everyone's looking at him.

:

00:45:57,473 --> 00:46:01,003

Nobody's looking at me like they're

all paying attention to him.

:

00:46:01,773 --> 00:46:02,013

Yeah.

:

00:46:02,013 --> 00:46:05,163

So accompanying him wasn't as hard,

but that was like a goal I had for this

:

00:46:05,163 --> 00:46:08,583

year was like, Hey, this is something

I did with my ex that I want to do

:

00:46:08,823 --> 00:46:10,783

for myself, like not connected to him.

:

00:46:11,233 --> 00:46:12,993

And so I have a song that I've.

:

00:46:13,293 --> 00:46:14,033

played forever.

:

00:46:14,053 --> 00:46:16,543

Like it's decently good, but

it was never like perfected.

:

00:46:16,823 --> 00:46:18,933

But I'm like, Hey, if I'm ever going

to do this, I need to practice.

:

00:46:18,993 --> 00:46:21,033

But my children are horrible

about letting me practice.

:

00:46:21,033 --> 00:46:23,183

If I go over and touch the

piano, they are like pounding

:

00:46:23,183 --> 00:46:25,343

on it and it annoys me so bad.

:

00:46:25,643 --> 00:46:29,573

But I started just putting

the music out on the piano.

:

00:46:29,613 --> 00:46:33,243

And I am like, I'm an over, I like

things to be clean and put away.

:

00:46:33,543 --> 00:46:36,353

So the music does not stay out because,

well, if I'm going to play, I'll

:

00:46:36,353 --> 00:46:37,803

sit down and I'll put the music out.

:

00:46:37,803 --> 00:46:40,583

Like, I don't want the music

sitting out on my thing, but

:

00:46:40,593 --> 00:46:42,073

I started just leaving it out.

:

00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:42,943

And I feel like.

:

00:46:43,503 --> 00:46:46,273

I would be like, Hey, I need, I told my

kids about my goal and I'm like, Hey,

:

00:46:46,273 --> 00:46:48,213

I need to play the song just one time.

:

00:46:48,623 --> 00:46:52,623

And so, and Ben doesn't let me,

my youngest, but my older kid

:

00:46:52,623 --> 00:46:57,723

will normally distract him so that

I can play it one time through.

:

00:46:57,973 --> 00:46:59,953

And he's like, okay, mom,

like you're doing your goal.

:

00:46:59,953 --> 00:47:03,283

And I feel like having

just having that music out.

:

00:47:03,623 --> 00:47:07,553

In like where it's obvious, I see it and

I'm like, Oh yeah, I need to do that.

:

00:47:07,553 --> 00:47:08,863

And I don't have a specific time.

:

00:47:08,863 --> 00:47:12,723

This isn't a habit that I have like done

a great job of like this specific time.

:

00:47:12,723 --> 00:47:16,143

I always do it at this moment, but

just having it out has made it so that

:

00:47:16,143 --> 00:47:17,803

I play this song so much more often.

:

00:47:17,813 --> 00:47:20,403

And I feel like I'm getting more

confident in it because I told myself,

:

00:47:20,453 --> 00:47:23,273

I've told myself for a long time,

Oh, whenever I master this song,

:

00:47:23,483 --> 00:47:24,823

then I'll play the song in church.

:

00:47:25,333 --> 00:47:28,713

But I'm like, I'm never going to

hit this goal if I don't ever change

:

00:47:28,713 --> 00:47:30,313

the habit that I never practiced.

:

00:47:30,628 --> 00:47:32,368

Cause my kids are bullying

me when I practice.

:

00:47:32,868 --> 00:47:36,868

So I feel like just having, like focusing

on the habit of, okay, I'm just going

:

00:47:36,868 --> 00:47:40,738

to play the song a lot instead of

focusing on, I want to play a song in

:

00:47:40,748 --> 00:47:43,638

church has made a huge difference in

:

00:47:43,742 --> 00:47:45,692

Alex | Mindful with Media: And just

having it out, that environmental

:

00:47:45,772 --> 00:47:46,362

cue.

:

00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:47,192

Yeah,

:

00:47:47,433 --> 00:47:48,803

Ashley Driggs: and it's

like random moments.

:

00:47:48,813 --> 00:47:52,953

Sometimes it's randomly at night or

right at the end of Ben's nap when I'm

:

00:47:52,953 --> 00:47:55,793

ready for him to wake up anyway, so

I don't care that I'm making noise.

:

00:47:57,453 --> 00:48:01,843

Things like that and just having it

out, it makes it so much easier to do.

:

00:48:02,792 --> 00:48:04,982

Alex | Mindful with Media:

That is such a good example.

:

00:48:05,682 --> 00:48:06,222

I love that.

:

00:48:06,712 --> 00:48:11,557

The one thing that I wrote down

for this one was, adding stillness

:

00:48:11,667 --> 00:48:13,337

and meditation to my life.

:

00:48:13,767 --> 00:48:17,547

I feel like this is something

that I've craved and I would say

:

00:48:17,547 --> 00:48:19,497

I, like, kind of do off and on.

:

00:48:19,957 --> 00:48:23,327

And I've, like, tried it at different

times, at night, in the morning, but

:

00:48:23,327 --> 00:48:28,227

it just hasn't been a habit that has

stuck, that I've done consistently.

:

00:48:28,777 --> 00:48:31,907

And I feel like this book was a

really good reminder for me that I'm

:

00:48:31,907 --> 00:48:36,357

not going to, like, stillness and

meditation is one of those things that

:

00:48:36,367 --> 00:48:39,997

the reward isn't immediate, right?

:

00:48:40,027 --> 00:48:40,677

It's like

:

00:48:41,197 --> 00:48:45,297

over time as I do this consistently,

I feel like it opens my mind to more.

:

00:48:45,627 --> 00:48:49,327

inspiration and revelation and I

feel like it helps me feel more

:

00:48:49,327 --> 00:48:54,367

calm generally, but it's not like

I'm still today and I immediately

:

00:48:54,367 --> 00:48:55,757

have the most calm day of my life.

:

00:48:55,767 --> 00:48:56,037

You know,

:

00:48:56,037 --> 00:48:58,997

it's like, it's more

ebb and flow than that.

:

00:48:59,267 --> 00:49:02,907

And anyways, and so that it was

just like a good reminder for me

:

00:49:02,917 --> 00:49:06,317

that this is who I want to be.

:

00:49:06,327 --> 00:49:09,217

He talks a lot about like your

identity and like, that is the

:

00:49:09,217 --> 00:49:13,807

kind of person I want to be the

person who meditates and, and has.

:

00:49:14,467 --> 00:49:16,657

intentional stillness in my life.

:

00:49:17,047 --> 00:49:20,747

But yeah, I want to add something

to make it more incentivizing

:

00:49:21,467 --> 00:49:22,617

everyday kind of thing.

:

00:49:23,068 --> 00:49:25,898

Ashley Driggs: Because that

end result is further out.

:

00:49:26,267 --> 00:49:26,987

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah.

:

00:49:27,057 --> 00:49:27,717

Yeah.

:

00:49:29,057 --> 00:49:30,587

So if you have any ideas,

:

00:49:31,077 --> 00:49:31,687

I'm all ears.

:

00:49:31,838 --> 00:49:33,448

Ashley Driggs: I don't know if I

have any ideas, because that's not

:

00:49:33,448 --> 00:49:36,738

something that I, like, tend to do.

:

00:49:36,748 --> 00:49:39,008

And I feel like, in my head, I might

be like, well, give yourself a piece

:

00:49:39,008 --> 00:49:40,418

of chocolate every time you do it.

:

00:49:40,488 --> 00:49:44,768

But I'm like, that, like, that's like

a bad habit in itself, like, rewarding

:

00:49:44,768 --> 00:49:46,508

yourself with things that, you know.

:

00:49:47,057 --> 00:49:51,107

Alex | Mindful with Media: And like, I

really do feel like the right habits,

:

00:49:51,877 --> 00:49:55,417

like, especially as it gets warmer,

like if I do it outside, like that in

:

00:49:55,417 --> 00:49:59,497

and of itself is a reward of like the

morning sunrise, you know, just that

:

00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:01,897

like, kind of like crisp morning air,

:

00:50:02,368 --> 00:50:03,568

Ashley Driggs: Yes, absolutely.

:

00:50:03,777 --> 00:50:06,257

Alex | Mindful with Media: that

feels like incentivizing in and

:

00:50:06,257 --> 00:50:08,247

of itself, but it's gotta be warm.

:

00:50:08,247 --> 00:50:08,907

Cause this

:

00:50:08,907 --> 00:50:10,197

cold weather I'm done.

:

00:50:10,418 --> 00:50:12,918

Ashley Driggs: that makes me think

so much like how much a habit can

:

00:50:12,918 --> 00:50:15,518

be based on season two and how like,

:

00:50:15,654 --> 00:50:16,444

Alex | Mindful with Media: Uh,

:

00:50:16,534 --> 00:50:18,524

Ashley Driggs: Ran so great all summer.

:

00:50:18,534 --> 00:50:23,534

I love to run when it's warm and also like

I would take my kids with me, but now then

:

00:50:23,534 --> 00:50:26,834

as soon as like school started and I had

to get my kid to school in the morning.

:

00:50:27,524 --> 00:50:28,724

Like I wasn't right.

:

00:50:28,724 --> 00:50:29,694

And then it got cold.

:

00:50:29,694 --> 00:50:32,154

And I'm like, I definitely am not

running with my two year old now.

:

00:50:32,154 --> 00:50:33,174

He hates the cold.

:

00:50:33,744 --> 00:50:37,294

And so, and it is interesting to think

of like, I think that's when you have

:

00:50:37,294 --> 00:50:40,484

to have, if you want to keep a habit

consistent, you have to have a way

:

00:50:40,484 --> 00:50:43,084

to do it even like summer and winter,

:

00:50:43,259 --> 00:50:44,089

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yeah.

:

00:50:44,119 --> 00:50:47,219

Especially where we live,

the seasons are so extreme.

:

00:50:47,294 --> 00:50:47,604

Ashley Driggs: yeah.

:

00:50:47,604 --> 00:50:49,514

And having different

plans, but things are hard.

:

00:50:49,544 --> 00:50:52,124

It's, I feel like it's really hard

to keep up habits in the winter

:

00:50:52,274 --> 00:50:53,684

because it's just miserable.

:

00:50:54,039 --> 00:50:54,819

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes.

:

00:50:54,899 --> 00:51:00,139

And that's why I think it is

good to revisit them frequently.

:

00:51:00,139 --> 00:51:03,339

You know, like, have, yeah, like

you say, like, have different habits

:

00:51:03,339 --> 00:51:04,759

for different seasons of life.

:

00:51:04,759 --> 00:51:08,269

And I think that Kind of what I was

saying in the beginning of being

:

00:51:08,269 --> 00:51:11,579

a woman and I don't know if it's

just because of feminine energy or

:

00:51:11,579 --> 00:51:16,939

if it's, you know, our cycles that,

like, impact things or if you're, have

:

00:51:16,939 --> 00:51:22,009

young kids and different phases that

they're in or if you're pregnant or

:

00:51:22,009 --> 00:51:24,379

postpartum or all these things, like,

:

00:51:24,534 --> 00:51:25,114

Ashley Driggs: Oh yeah.

:

00:51:25,189 --> 00:51:27,389

Alex | Mindful with Media: So

impacted by a million things.

:

00:51:27,849 --> 00:51:31,079

And I think it's easy to read these

books and be like, Nope, it's just

:

00:51:31,079 --> 00:51:32,439

like straightforward every day.

:

00:51:32,439 --> 00:51:33,129

Da da da.

:

00:51:33,129 --> 00:51:36,479

And it's like, no, like it is

a lot more complex than that.

:

00:51:36,589 --> 00:51:37,289

Ashley Driggs: Oh, yeah.

:

00:51:37,319 --> 00:51:37,969

Alex | Mindful with Media: female.

:

00:51:38,369 --> 00:51:41,069

Ashley Driggs: And yeah, just like you

say, even your cycle, like the way you

:

00:51:41,099 --> 00:51:43,339

feel and your mood changes so much.

:

00:51:43,539 --> 00:51:46,969

So what, like, what motivates you one

day might not motivate you the other day.

:

00:51:46,999 --> 00:51:49,829

And your kids, like, nap

schedules are changing.

:

00:51:49,839 --> 00:51:53,119

Different, like You're bodyshooting

and it is really, I feel like as a

:

00:51:53,119 --> 00:51:57,589

woman, it is harder to keep a routine

and habits and things than it is for a

:

00:51:57,589 --> 00:52:00,449

man necessarily, like they don't have,

:

00:52:00,669 --> 00:52:02,359

Alex | Mindful with Media:

like a monthly cycle instead of

:

00:52:02,529 --> 00:52:04,329

aren't like, isn't a man like daily?

:

00:52:04,349 --> 00:52:05,489

Don't they have like, kind of like

:

00:52:05,919 --> 00:52:07,879

daily hormonal changes or something?

:

00:52:08,559 --> 00:52:08,639

Ashley Driggs: I

:

00:52:08,639 --> 00:52:09,499

wouldn't be surprised,

:

00:52:09,569 --> 00:52:10,239

Alex | Mindful with Media: but yeah.

:

00:52:10,819 --> 00:52:13,529

And so I think our society

is set up for a man's

:

00:52:13,929 --> 00:52:17,149

Ashley Driggs: like daily routine,

yeah, and like these daily, and they

:

00:52:17,149 --> 00:52:20,429

have like, I mean, even if they have

a baby, you know, you have a baby,

:

00:52:20,439 --> 00:52:23,389

they're still going to work, they're

still mostly in their, you know,

:

00:52:23,399 --> 00:52:25,479

daily, you know, Routine of things.

:

00:52:25,499 --> 00:52:27,109

And I don't feel like it life change.

:

00:52:27,159 --> 00:52:30,519

I mean, especially in the very early

stages of motherhood where your kids

:

00:52:31,059 --> 00:52:35,349

schedules change like 700 times and how

much they eat and how much they nap and

:

00:52:35,789 --> 00:52:37,809

it's so hard to get something consistent.

:

00:52:37,809 --> 00:52:42,149

And so I think being forgiving with

yourself and remembering like it is okay.

:

00:52:42,149 --> 00:52:45,459

If you were not perfect,

like it's all right.

:

00:52:46,039 --> 00:52:48,019

You did what you could do and that's okay.

:

00:52:48,539 --> 00:52:51,209

Alex | Mindful with Media: Yes,

and these habits and systems and

:

00:52:51,219 --> 00:52:55,679

goals and routines are very, very

to serve you, not to punish you.

:

00:52:55,719 --> 00:52:55,899

Like

:

00:52:55,899 --> 00:52:57,289

it's supposed to make your life better.

:

00:52:57,609 --> 00:52:58,069

Ashley Driggs: yeah.

:

00:52:58,459 --> 00:53:01,669

And don't beat yourself up when,

you know, it doesn't go perfectly.

:

00:53:02,609 --> 00:53:03,119

Alex | Mindful with Media: Amen.

:

00:53:03,139 --> 00:53:04,239

I'm like, let's end on that.

:

00:53:04,249 --> 00:53:04,499

That

:

00:53:04,499 --> 00:53:06,489

feels like that just like

kind of like wraps up like

:

00:53:07,119 --> 00:53:08,109

these great tools.

:

00:53:08,149 --> 00:53:12,589

And then it's like, and we're human and

that's not where your value comes from.

:

00:53:13,119 --> 00:53:13,849

Ashley Driggs: It is true.

:

00:53:13,939 --> 00:53:14,489

I love it.

:

00:53:14,709 --> 00:53:15,489

Well, thanks for talking

:

00:53:15,489 --> 00:53:16,169

Alex | Mindful with Media: so fun.

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About the Podcast

Mindful with Media
This is the podcast for entrepreneurial moms who want to grow a meaningful, profitable business without sacrificing their other priorities (like spending time with their kids or getting enough sleep).

Host Alex Fales—business coach, mindset mentor, and mom—shares honest conversations, simple strategies, and powerful mindset shifts to help you and make money doing work you love and grow as a person while you're at it.

Expect solo episodes, authentic chats, and real-life stories that help you blend business strategy with personal growth, so you can build a business that supports your life (not the other way around).

Because you don’t need more hustle.
You need clarity, confidence, and the courage to do business your way.