Episode 49

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Published on:

24th Apr 2024

49 | The Secret to Making Stress Your Friend // with Meagan Hubbard

Meagan Hubbard is a mom of 4, labor & delivery nurse, and a certified mindfulness trainer and life coach.

In this episode we discuss:

  • what mindfulness meditation is (and what it is NOT)
  • practical ways to use mindfulness meditation when you're too busy
  • specific stories about the power of mindfulness meditation
  • what to do when you're doom scrolling: how to let go of shame and get back on track in the moment
  • why you should make stress your friend

Helpful Links:

TED Talk: How to Make Stress Your Friend (Kelly McGonigal)

@meaganhubbardcoaching on Instagram

meaganhubbard.com

Transcript
Speaker:

I've coached nearly 100 women about their

screen time, and here's what I've learned.

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Women actually don't care about their

screen time, they care about those things

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that are impacted by their screen time.

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Their ability to be patient with their

kids, the growth of their business,

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having time to pursue their creative

dreams, their relationship with their

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husband, the inner peace that they feel,

their confidence in themselves, their

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Connection with God, their friendships

not missing out on their kids' childhoods.

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I'm Alex and I'm here to

help you find inner peace.

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Enjoy true fulfillment

and be fully present.

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Welcome to the Mindful with Media Podcast.

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I am so excited to have Megan

Hubbard here and will you go ahead

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and introduce yourself to us?

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I'm excited to be here too.

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I thought it would be a little

fun to introduce myself first.

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By some of my fascinations

rather than my roles.

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Ooh, I love this.

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So I'm someone who's always been

really interested in the human

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body and brain and reproduction.

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My mind has always been very

curious about those topics and I

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still think they're a lot of fun.

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I remember even around third grade,

my mom would take me to the library.

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I check out my Amelia Bedelia books,

and then I go to the reference section

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and look at pictures of the heart

and nerves and my stomach, you know,

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those drawings and things, so fun.

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Oh my gosh, that's so cool.

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And then the typical introduction,

I've been married to my

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husband Luke for 18 years.

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And we're parents to four

kids, they're ages five to 15.

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I've been a nurse for 16 years,

12 of those in labor and delivery.

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And I still work doing that about

one to two weekends a month.

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And I'm a certified life

coach and mindfulness trainer.

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I like to teach and coach moms

who still have children at home

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who want to feel more alive and at

peace in their stage of motherhood.

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I know that there are

moms out there like me.

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Me a few years ago, and still sometimes

who had most of the life circumstances

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they went months dreamed of, like

being a wife and a mom and having a

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home and even a job that they love.

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But they end up presenting the dull

and really difficult parts of the day

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to day, thinking that it should look

and feel better or easier because

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they have so much to be grateful for.

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So my work I like to do is to help

these women feel more peace and

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joy and confidence and fulfillment

in their life and relationships.

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I love that.

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And I think that's something that

is so relatable for so many moms,

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like you say, who, who, yeah, they,

they've always dreamed of being a

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stay at home mom or having a, a job

that they love, or like you say, it

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could be a lot of different things.

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And then, There's this, yeah,

resentment towards the life and

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it's not as dreamy as they, they

thought it would be in those moments.

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And so I love, I think that's so

powerful, the work that you do to, to

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help people to, to love that and to,

embrace that stage that they're in

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and I don't know, I just love the work

that you do and that's so powerful.

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And something that I really appreciate

about Megan is that she often takes

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her work as a labor and delivery nurse

and combines it with her work as a

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life coach and it's just so helpful

for me to like understand things.

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I think.

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Every mom is, at least I am,

fascinated by childbirth.

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It's just such this

amazing, unique experience.

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And so I love that you combine , both

works that you do, your life coach

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work and your, your nurse work.

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I'm sharing that.

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I find it a lot of fun and I get.

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the most engagement and comments when

I do share those things combined.

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That's super interesting.

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Not surprised.

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Okay.

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So let's kind of get into

some of your specialties.

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So I want to start by talking

about, you said you're a

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certified mindfulness trainer.

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Is that what it was?

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Yes.

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Okay.

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So the, what I'm trained in is a course

that was taught at Stanford university.

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Back in the seventies, and now it's

trainers like me are trained to bring

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it to the general public and it can

be in a class or one on one and it's

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mindfulness, emotional intelligence tools.

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That's awesome.

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So I feel like this mindfulness

word is kind of a buzzword.

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I mean, I even have it in the

name of my business and then my

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podcast, you know, being mindful.

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What?

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is mindfulness and kind of with

that, like, what is meditation?

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Can you define that for,

for me and for my listeners?

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Yes.

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Mindfulness is about being

present and there's lots of

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different kinds of meditation.

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My training is more than mindfulness

and the way I like to think about it,

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mindfulness meditation, especially

for me, it's a practice of being

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present and observing thought

without judgment, good or bad.

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And just noticing any wandering

or distracting thoughts, and then

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coming back to right here, right

now, to your focus, because it's

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in the presence where peace lives.

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And so you spend that time in a practice,

and then you can take the skills that

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you learn in those two to ten minutes,

even, it can be small, and you'd notice

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it showing up in your interactions,

in your own self talk in your mind,

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and in your relationships with others,

and conversations, and experiences.

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We tend to be a lot more in the past

where we might be having regret or our

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mind is in the future where there's

a lot of worry and it's a practice of

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noticing that and being able to come back

to the present when you really need to.

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And that without judgment part is huge.

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And.

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Is it okay if I just talk about why

I think this is helpful right now?

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For sure, yeah.

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I was just thinking like, you

kind of already touched on this.

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I can already see like why this is

so powerful, but I'd love, yeah, for

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you to dive in more about like why

this is so helpful for busy moms, for

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frazzled moms, for, for all of us.

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Yes.

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So I think it can look

something like this.

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I'm focusing on in the meditation part

or the mindfulness breathing moment and

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focusing on maybe the warmth of my hands

on my lap or the expansion and contraction

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of my rib cage as I'm breathing.

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So that's my focus and I'm focusing

on this in and out and then I start

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to think about what's for dinner.

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What am I going to make?

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What do I have in the fridge?

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And then I noticed that

and I just label it.

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Thinking, I don't label it good

or bad or judge it, just thinking.

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And then I redirect my focus back

to my breathing, my rib cage opening

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and closing as I'm breathing.

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And then a few more breaths and I

notice I'm starting to think about,

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Oh, I didn't make lunches last night.

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And then we were so rushed getting

the kids out the door and I feel

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so bad how I talked to them.

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And then I notice.

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That I'm thinking again.

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And so maybe this time I just

put those thoughts in a golden

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bubble and let them float away.

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And then I come back to my breathing.

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And sometimes a thought comes up

while I'm meditating and I think, but

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I can't just put this in a bubble.

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It's so important.

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I really need to remember this.

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And sometimes, and I just imagine

like I've already written it on a note

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and I fold it up and I put it in a

safe box and it's there for when I'm

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done and I come back to my breathing.

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Like you picture that in your mind

of you like putting on a note.

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Cool.

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Yeah.

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So not actually like

writing out the whole thing.

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You know, it's a little quicker.

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Just it's on a note and folding it

up, putting it in a safe place and

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I'm going to find it when I'm done.

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And then I go back to my breathing and

that feels a lot safer for those important

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thoughts or what feels really important

in the moment that got to me for a while.

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So as you can see here.

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Meditation is not about the absence of

thought, which is what I used to think.

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It was just sitting there

and your mind is blank.

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And if you start thinking,

then you're doing it wrong.

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You're not really doing it wrong.

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It's that practice of.

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Noticing.

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Coming back.

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Noticing.

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Coming back.

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Your mind is going to wander,

but you're always coming back.

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So it's kind of like a game.

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I think that's so relieving to like,

like you say, I think you can feel like,

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I totally used to have that mindset of

like, Oh, I'm just so bad at meditation.

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But like you say, your brain is

supposed to think like, of course

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you're going to have thoughts come.

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I love that reframe of it's

not the absence of thoughts.

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That's really cool.

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And it is called a meditation practice.

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I think of it kind of like a game too.

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Life is the game.

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So you're only practicing for minutes.

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But if we use the sports metaphor,

you go into the game of life, and

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that's where the real miracle is.

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Where you see the benefits of it.

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As you're going about in your day to day,

and maybe you feel like you're a frazzled

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mom, you're getting lots of sensory input.

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People are asking you questions,

asking you to do things.

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You see you see the pile of laundry

that you know you need to fold, and

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that's on your mental running to

do list along with everything else.

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You're getting touched in so many things.

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It's easy to feel just blown around.

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This is how I imagine how it is for me.

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Just feeling blown around by every

phone notification, every request, every

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proverbial fire that you're walking around

and trying to put out in your life, right?

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Undone projects or piles

or messes to clean.

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And it's easy to get distracted.

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on your way to a task or

maybe you're wanting to have

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a really good conversation.

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Your child is telling you something

that you know is really important

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to them, but your mind is so

distracted by all these things.

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And so maybe they're wanting to tell

you about a butterfly they saw on a

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nature walk at school or something,

but you're just thinking about that

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laundry in the couch and how you want

to get it folded before your friend

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comes over for the play date tomorrow.

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Mindful meditation helps you practice

focusing on one sensory input at a time.

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And not judging and just coming back to

that focus, because it really is a small

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moment in time, usually, or you can give

it that small time, and then feel good

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about saying, I need to go do this now.

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I love that you told me that I'm

going to go take care of this now.

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And.

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I, I find that it has helped me

a lot more with the chatter in my

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head after, Oh, that was so bad.

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I shouldn't have gotten distracted.

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I can't believe I wasn't listening.

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I'm such a bad mom.

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I can't even listen to a whole story.

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I can't believe I went to text my

mom about how she's doing after

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surgery and I ended up scrolling on

Instagram for 10 minutes instead.

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That chatter can just go when you just

say like, Oh yeah, I was doing this.

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Hmm.

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And I remember in your class,

if you don't mind me sharing the

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inside out that I took with you.

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Go ahead.

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Yeah.

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You shared that you can just

say, that's funny when you

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notice that you're scrolling on

Instagram and then just redirect.

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And what I changed it to for me

is just, Oh, that's interesting.

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So a little more curious than funny, but

still just a redirection, no judgment

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and just saying that out loud like you,

I didn't used to say that loud, but I

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say it out loud after I learned that from

you just hearing my voice saying that

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too, it's helpful to do that redirection.

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And I'm a lot more likely to go back

to what I wanted to do without all

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that mind chatter and just get it done.

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Right?

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Yeah.

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Oh, this is so good.

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I love how you talk

about, it's a practice.

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You know, you do the mindfulness

meditation as a practice, just like

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you practice for a sports game.

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And then.

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real life when you, yeah, you want to text

your mom about surgery and end up on your

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phone or when you are trying to deal with

a million things that come with caring for

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a household and your child wants to talk

to you and there's a lot of sensory input,

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you know how to manage each of the inputs.

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I love that.

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Yeah.

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Just how it applies to real life.

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And kind of with that, I think it can

be easy as somebody who, you know,

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a mom who is likely listening to

this and has a lot of sensory input

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and feel so busy to wonder, like,

how do you even find time for the

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practice of mindfulness meditation?

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Like, do you have any, yeah,

practical ways or Practical advice

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for how to make that happen.

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Yes.

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So I thought of a few that you

can do on your own and even some

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that you can involve your kids in.

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So a few are, and all of them

really involve using your senses.

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Sometimes in meditation, you're going

to close your eyes to block out that

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sense, but sometimes you start with it.

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And so here are some you can do a color

walk, go for a walk and before you

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leave the house, just choose a color

that you're going to be looking for.

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And as you go around, you'll

probably be surprised how many

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things you spot that are that color.

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And that's what your

awareness is focusing on.

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You can do that with your kids on a walk

and invite them to do that with you.

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Or a sound walk also where you just go

on your walk and you're listening and

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every noise you hear you just identify it.

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Oh, I hear a dog barking.

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I hear a car driving.

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I hear a bird singing.

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And you're just focusing on that one sense

even as you're going on a walk outside.

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You can do also this

with your kids or alone.

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Sensual eating.

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So using all of your senses.

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Look at your food before you eat it.

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Look at all the different

colors and the textures.

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Maybe smell it before you take a

bite, and then you chew slowly,

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feeling the different textures,

identifying different tastes.

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I've done this with a salad.

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I've done it with Reheated pizza.

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I've done it with a Snickers bar,

it doesn't matter what it is.

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And it can make it for more fun for

yourself or especially with kids.

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If you imagine you're kind of like

an alien, or this is a completely new

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food experience you never had before.

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And just getting really curious about

all the senses involved with eating.

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And you can have a mindful shower

or even hand washing where you're

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just really focusing on how it

feels when the water hits you.

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Or watching how the light shines off

the water that's washing your hands.

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So it can be just a few minutes or it

can be the whole shower, just really

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feeling it and then redirecting

your thoughts when you find yourself

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thinking about other things.

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Yeah.

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If you're in the car line and you

don't have smaller kids, right

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now, all my kids are in school.

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So if I'm in the car line waiting

for them, I'm alone, I'm there early,

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have a few minutes, I can close my

eyes and do some mindful breathing.

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And the last one I thought of was.

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If you pray before you go to bed at

night, it's doing some proprioception.

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So that's being mindful of where

your body is in space and just

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like going head to toe and feeling.

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Like your feet or knees on the ground

and feeling your clothes on your body or

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maybe the air, if you have a ceiling fan

on as it's hitting your skin, it's feeling

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all these different things and getting

mindful and grounded for that moment.

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It can be very short.

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I love these examples that you shared

because I think when I think of Any

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sort of meditation practice in my

mind, I picture myself turning on

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what's that app called insight timer.

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I like, I love that app, especially

if I'm having a hard time sleeping,

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I'll turn that on and it has some

meditations to help you fall asleep.

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But they're like, I mean, they have

shorter ones too, but they're at

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least like five minutes long, right?

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Five minutes to 30 minutes long.

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And it's like, , I could make it

happen to me today, but I, I don't.

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picture myself in my day setting aside 20

minutes to like do a yoga pose and like

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just sit there with absence of thoughts.

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I think that's what comes to mind, you

know, like when I think of meditation.

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So I love, love, love, love these

examples that are like, you're

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already doing these things.

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You're already going to go on a walk.

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You're already going to be picking up

your kids at school, you are going to

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be already going to be eating a meal.

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And it's just taking those things

that you're doing and focusing

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in, you know, taking a shower.

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Yeah.

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And I really relate because.

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I am very intentional with my

thoughts, like, I'm intentional

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about what I think about.

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And so often if I'm on a walk or if

I'm in a shower or something, like,

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I have certain questions that I like

to guide what I think about, but I, I

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know that I have room for improvement

to, to not even think, you know,

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like they said, like, of course,

thoughts will come and go, but really.

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Taking a step back from even

the, the constant thinking and

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just the, the physical presence,

the, what was that word you use?

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The proprioceptive?

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Proprioception.

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Proprioception.

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Just.

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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Just focusing in on my senses instead

of focusing in on my thoughts so much.

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So that's definitely something that

I want to, to try and to work on.

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I love that.

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So yeah, what are some of your favorite

ways to be mindful or to meditate?

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The first thing that came to mind, because

I saw a recent reel that you did about

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about transitions and how you've noticed

for yourself and other moms where we find

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ourselves scrolling, pulling out our phone

for whatever reason during transitions.

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And so I've started doing this more

since seeing that from you is using this.

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Tool during transitions.

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So for example, pick up my kids.

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They're out of the van

when we get in the garage.

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They're in the house.

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They're getting their snack or

whatever and I'm like This is I

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know we've got lessons coming up.

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We gotta do this fast and I gotta do

this and get this started for dinner.

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We've got to get back in time.

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I'm going through all these things

in my head about what the next

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few hours are going to look like

and how hard it might be, right?

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And I just want to pull out my phone

for three minutes and look on Instagram.

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And next thing I know, it's been

15 minutes and my five year old's

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opening the door to the garage.

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I'm still in the van.

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And he's like, Mom, I need

you to pour me some milk.

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So instead of pulling out my phone, I can

do something mindful, like the calm palm.

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And I've seen this on

blogs and things too.

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I teach it in my class though, and you

start at the base of your thumb and

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you're using a lot of your senses again.

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You're looking at.

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Your palm, the lines, the textures, and

you use your opposite hand, the index

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finger to trace from the base of the

thumb up to the top as you breathe in,

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and then as you go down your finger, you

breathe out in up to the index and down,

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and you do that if you trace all the

way through your pinky and back through

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the other, that's 10 deep breaths using

your sight by watching yourself do it.

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You're doing a soft, gentle touch,

you're slow, deep breathing.

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And it feels very nurturing, I think,

to be touching your own hand that way

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and to be doing the slow, deep breaths.

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And I feel much more ready after,

that takes about two minutes, maybe,

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tops, to go through those 10 breaths.

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And then I'm ready to go in

and meet the next few hours.

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Yeah.

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So that's one of my

favorites during transitions.

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And it's called the calm palms,

is that what you call it?

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Yes.

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Okay.

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I've never heard of that one.

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I like that.

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And then my other favorite, if we can

take a couple minutes to do that as well.

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Yeah, let's do it.

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Okay.

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So it can be used as a meditation,

but you do start with your eyes

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open and it's to practice moving

from thinking to not thinking.

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So find an object in the room

that you want to focus on.

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And then take some time and think as

many thoughts as you can about it.

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About its color, texture, shape, whatever.

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Think, think, think,

think, think, think, think.

381

:

And now stop and just be with the object.

382

:

Look at it again.

383

:

And you're not thinking anything about it.

384

:

Just be with it.

385

:

And then you close your

eyes and do the same thing.

386

:

Imagine the object.

387

:

Think as many thoughts

as you can about it.

388

:

And now pause and just be

with the object in your mind

389

:

and you can come back.

390

:

How was that?

391

:

I love that.

392

:

It's one of my favorites.

393

:

Yeah.

394

:

Yeah.

395

:

That's cool.

396

:

You can do it before meditating

to get you in that mode or

397

:

you can just do it by itself.

398

:

Sometimes I do that, I work

at the hospital, it can

399

:

get really crazy there too.

400

:

I do it at home, I do it at work, and

it's really brief and it really helps

401

:

me just bring my focus back and to just

being and not judging things as so hard

402

:

or stressful, I can have lots of thoughts

about things and also I can just be

403

:

here with it and do what I need to do.

404

:

Hmm.

405

:

Again, I love how it's like that, I just

coming back to that, the practice, you

406

:

know, it's like practice it with how I

was doing with my blinds, just barely, you

407

:

know, practicing with my blinds and then

I can do it with whatever potentially,

408

:

you know, like more stressful or more

serious thing going on in my life.

409

:

Like, yeah, I can think all these thoughts

about it and I can just be with it.

410

:

I love that.

411

:

Mm hmm.

412

:

I feel like so I talked earlier about how

I felt like the stressors of motherhood

413

:

and everything that goes along with it.

414

:

I could, I felt like I was being

just blown around like a leaf in the

415

:

wind this direction that direction.

416

:

I didn't have much control over it.

417

:

I just.

418

:

I had to take it as it comes, and I feel

like this gives me a little more control.

419

:

Having this mindfulness practice,

a little more control over my inner

420

:

experience, I feel like I have an anchor.

421

:

Wow.

422

:

So now, like, even if I'm a ship

on the sea where there's winds

423

:

and sometimes storms, I have a

place that I know I'm attached to.

424

:

I know I can come back to, I think to

about I teach one exercise class a week.

425

:

It gets me lifting weights.

426

:

It's my accountability because I'm

the teacher and we always start

427

:

every class with proprioception.

428

:

We stand with good posture, have our

hands on our belly and know what it

429

:

feels like to have that neutral spine,

that good posture, that neutral spine.

430

:

And we carry that posture

as much as we can.

431

:

Through the movements, squats,

backwards, stepping lunges, whatever

432

:

we're doing with our weights.

433

:

And I'm often saying to them, now

imagine your hands are on your

434

:

stomach, is your spine neutral?

435

:

And so even as we're adding load,

adding weights to these movements where

436

:

we're hinged over, or we're stepping

back and we need to be balanced.

437

:

It's all part of the strength.

438

:

So we don't always stand tall.

439

:

We wouldn't really build our muscles.

440

:

If we were always staying in one

position, we're moving in these other

441

:

positions and we're adding load and it's

really challenging, but we have this

442

:

base of this strong, neutral spine and

always in between the moves, you come

443

:

back to that as well and you reset.

444

:

And that's also Been something I've

been thinking about lately about this

445

:

mindfulness and how it's an anchor for me.

446

:

It's this neutral spine that I'm always

coming back to to reset and take some

447

:

part of it with me into these challenges

that are actually strengthening me.

448

:

It's not bad to have all these

challenges that motherhood brings.

449

:

There's a great learning experience and

strengthening experience to all of them.

450

:

And I wouldn't want to not

have any of them necessarily.

451

:

It would be boring.

452

:

And Not growth inducing, right?

453

:

So it helps me to think

of it that way too.

454

:

I love that analogy.

455

:

That's really cool.

456

:

Having the, yeah, the

anchor to come back to.

457

:

And we're going to have load, we're

going to have strengthening experiences

458

:

and things that are going to feel,

yeah, stressful and heavy at times,

459

:

but you have that anchor to come

back to for that, that inner peace.

460

:

That's something I've been thinking

a lot about lately is creating

461

:

inner peace and what it means to

have inner peace amidst real life.

462

:

Like we all live in real life.

463

:

None of us are immune to, the,

the weights and the load and the,

464

:

the strengthening experiences.

465

:

And so I think these are really

beautiful examples of how to create

466

:

inner peace amidst Amidst it all,

amidst the realities of life.

467

:

Do you have any other stories or examples

you want to share of how mindfulness and

468

:

meditation has helped you in your life?

469

:

So I did think about my eight

year old son who loves Minecraft.

470

:

He wanted to play Minecraft so

bad when he was three and a half.

471

:

That he begged his older brother to

teach them and he actually taught

472

:

himself to read from Minecraft.

473

:

That's pretty impressive.

474

:

Cause he wanted to be able to type

things in that he wanted to find.

475

:

So he loves Minecraft.

476

:

He still loves it.

477

:

And he's often wanting

me to play with him.

478

:

He wants to show me something

and explain every detail.

479

:

I'm just not that interested in it.

480

:

And I would rather sometimes he's just

going on and on and I sit next to him

481

:

and I just want to pull out my phone.

482

:

And read something more interesting

to me or have one earbud in maybe

483

:

and be listening to a podcast

while half listening to him.

484

:

And it was very hard to sit there, but

as I tried to bring some mindfulness

485

:

into it, I'm focusing more on his

joy, his excitement, his fascination,

486

:

and his invitation to have me there.

487

:

And so I focus more on how I

want to be connected to him.

488

:

So before he might say something like,

well, you know, he's talking to da, da,

489

:

da, da, da and say, I guess mom, you know,

he wants me to guess something about it.

490

:

And I think, oh my goodness,

what am I even guessing about?

491

:

When I am voice mirroring him,

focusing on him and coming back to that

492

:

conversation, I can answer that question.

493

:

And maybe I do set a timer

for 5, 10 or 15 minutes.

494

:

I know I have that end point and I

can just focus with him and that's

495

:

been so connecting for me from my

experience in my relationship with him.

496

:

And I'm pretty sure it is more

enjoyable for him as well when

497

:

I'm paying more attention.

498

:

That's such a beautiful story.

499

:

And I think, again, That's something we

can all relate to of being not interested

500

:

in the things our kids are interested in.

501

:

Yeah.

502

:

And that's healthy too, right?

503

:

We're not supposed to be

interested in the same things.

504

:

And that's okay.

505

:

I love that you talk about, you know,

setting that boundary of how much

506

:

time you're willing to give to that.

507

:

But that, yeah, that's a, such

a, a beautiful invitation from

508

:

him that he wants you to, to

be in his world of Minecraft.

509

:

I remember when I was doing like,

ACT prep in high school, you know?

510

:

I remember the reading section, like,

I don't know where I heard this, but

511

:

somebody told me whenever you're doing,

like, the reading section, just pretend,

512

:

like, it is the most fascinating

information in the world, like that you're

513

:

just, I don't know, whatever it is, bugs

or history or whatever, like you happen

514

:

to be reading about, just pretend that

like you love that subject just for that,

515

:

like half an hour or whatever, because

you'll retain the information better.

516

:

And I was actually just thinking

about that concept with my kids.

517

:

Like, when I'm trying to, I don't

even know what we were doing.

518

:

I think it was like doing a

puzzle with my son or something.

519

:

And I actually like puzzles, but I was

finding myself like my mind wandering

520

:

and I was like, okay, I'm just going to

pretend for these next 10 minutes that

521

:

I love doing this same puzzle we've

done a million times, that it's the most

522

:

interesting thing in the world to me.

523

:

And it makes it so much easier to

just, just pretend for a few minutes.

524

:

So I, I don't know.

525

:

I just love that.

526

:

But that's what mindfulness is.

527

:

It's just focusing in.

528

:

So.

529

:

Thank you.

530

:

Yes.

531

:

For sharing that example.

532

:

You're welcome.

533

:

Any other, yeah, stories

or examples that you have?

534

:

Yes.

535

:

This is a little more general because

I couldn't think of a specific

536

:

example, but as you're doing.

537

:

These mindfulness practices or meditation

really sensing your body and seeing

538

:

how things are different, are sensing

how things are different outside of it.

539

:

I feel like it helps me with physical

and emotional boundaries too.

540

:

It helps me be more of the observer

of even my inside experience, but also

541

:

thinking about sometimes I think of like

with my teenagers or with my husband,

542

:

I think of the inside out characters

and what could be going on inside their

543

:

mind, just observing it in that way.

544

:

And I can just.

545

:

Be more of a witness to inform my response

than, than quite as in it and involved, if

546

:

that makes sense, but I'm still present.

547

:

So maybe I might otherwise get sucked

into their emotions and with any of my

548

:

children want to like coddle them to

get that to go away or or get defensive.

549

:

I just want them to stop.

550

:

Have you seen Dr.

551

:

Becky from good inside some of her

videos and for example, she does

552

:

a great job of doing an example.

553

:

And I feel like being more

mindful has helped me to do some

554

:

of those things like she shares.

555

:

And just, it's really that what I'm

trying to describe here is that practice

556

:

of being the observer where me is the

one observing and not always sucked

557

:

into the fear or the defensiveness or.

558

:

The sadness of whatever emotion

is going on for the other person

559

:

or for me in response to it.

560

:

Hmm.

561

:

That makes sense.

562

:

Oh, totally.

563

:

Yeah.

564

:

Yeah.

565

:

Yeah.

566

:

One hundred percent.

567

:

So that book, good inside by Dr.

568

:

Becky, I'd heard about

it for like I don't know.

569

:

It's a very popular parenting book.

570

:

Right.

571

:

But I was like, no, I don't need that.

572

:

Like, we're good.

573

:

And then there's like, I don't know,

maybe a few months ago I was like,

574

:

okay, we got to figure something out.

575

:

Like we really need some

help in our parenting.

576

:

And so I suggested that book to my husband

and I like had ordered it on Amazon

577

:

and he was listening to it on audible.

578

:

And so he.

579

:

like read most of it before I even got it.

580

:

This I'm like totally getting

off track, but it was really cool

581

:

to have him being the one taking

the lead on parenting situations.

582

:

Like, I feel like It's one of those

like mental load things that you

583

:

don't realize is impacting you.

584

:

And then with him, like, you

know, our son would be having a

585

:

really intense, it's these sensory

meltdowns that are really intense.

586

:

And so my husband was the one like taking

things he'd learned from Good Inside and

587

:

like, okay, this is how we handle this.

588

:

And I was like, this is so nice to like

have someone else take charge on this.

589

:

But you said something else that,

oh, but then we talk about like,

590

:

okay, we're going This is the ideal.

591

:

How do we actually do that?

592

:

Like, how do we actually respond in

the way that we want to in that moment?

593

:

And so I love mindfulness and meditation

can be a way to actually do that, to

594

:

actually respond in the way you want to.

595

:

And some of those experiences

that I've had, the moment is

596

:

over and I'm thinking, wow.

597

:

Wow, I did that really good.

598

:

I think that's kind of like my meditation

this morning or I, you know, I think

599

:

that that helped me with this and

I make that connection afterward.

600

:

Yeah, you don't realize it in the moment,

601

:

so my business has been such a

journey, you know, I started out

602

:

realizing I had a major problem with

my phone use and I was like, okay,

603

:

I got to start talking about this.

604

:

I didn't have the answers

yet, but I was like, I'm going

605

:

to start talking about this.

606

:

And then I figured things out.

607

:

I figured out ways to fix it.

608

:

You know, I don't waste

time on my phone anymore.

609

:

You know, I'm very

intentional with my phone use.

610

:

And I think I didn't realize what I was

doing, but I was essentially figuring out,

611

:

healthy ways to cope with my emotions.

612

:

I was doing mindfulness things without

realizing that's what I was doing.

613

:

And.

614

:

As a result of being intentional with

my phone use, it's impacted all these

615

:

other parts of my life, like you say,

I'm way better able to manage hard things

616

:

with my kids and, you know, difficult

conversations with my husband and just

617

:

all these things that didn't seem related

to my phone use, and it all comes back

618

:

to, like you say, being mindful and

619

:

doing those meditation practices

instead of a scrolling on my phone.

620

:

So that's cool.

621

:

Let me share one more thing

that I'm thinking of as you

622

:

were talking about that.

623

:

Yeah.

624

:

I've got, I've got to pull in

labor somewhere here in this.

625

:

Yes.

626

:

Yes, you do.

627

:

So if we think of life like labor and

you've got contractions and when you're

628

:

experiencing that, even though you've got,

usually you should have at least a minute.

629

:

Between the end of one and the start of

the next, I mean, it feels very short

630

:

and during that time, a lot of women

maybe their epidural is not working well

631

:

or they don't have an epidural, right?

632

:

They're just in between that time,

they're hyperventilating or they're

633

:

tense and they're just thinking

about how hard that was and that

634

:

they know there's another one coming.

635

:

But , during that time, muscle,

that uterus muscle is resting.

636

:

And that's so important for the

muscle to maintain its strength to

637

:

do the next one and for oxygen to

flow to the placenta and the baby.

638

:

Ah.

639

:

Because it doesn't during the tension,

and it has oxygen reserves, the

640

:

baby does, to get through that time.

641

:

But it's so important to take that minute

to rest, to relax, to breathe, so that

642

:

you can be strong for the next one.

643

:

And a lot of times I do have to remind

them, that one's over, I know this

644

:

feels fast, it's But let your shoulders

relax into the bed, slow down your

645

:

breathing, and you can do this next one.

646

:

So I think of mindfulness

as being that rest and that

647

:

reminder to come back to rest.

648

:

We know there's more contractions coming.

649

:

We know it hurts, but when you've got this

minute, take it, don't let it go to waste.

650

:

It's really important so that you

can be strong for those contraction,

651

:

those painful, hard contractions.

652

:

moments that are important

to get to your end goal.

653

:

I love that.

654

:

Don't waste that, that rest time

you have either thinking, reliving

655

:

that past contraction you had, or

anxiously anticipating the next

656

:

one that's going to be so painful.

657

:

Take that time to rest, take that time

to reset, to, to come back to your

658

:

anchor, to, to, yeah, I love that.

659

:

That is.

660

:

Don't spend that rest time in tension.

661

:

Oh, like social media post right there,

don't spend that rest time intention.

662

:

I love that so much.

663

:

Any other stories or examples okay.

664

:

I feel like I've got all my good ideas

coming and I'm so excited to share them.

665

:

One last thing.

666

:

Have you ever heard of Kelly

McGonigal and her TED talk?

667

:

How to make stress your friend.

668

:

No, but it sounds amazing.

669

:

It's amazing.

670

:

I think it's over 10 years old, but

I still pull it out sometimes and

671

:

listen to it because it's so good.

672

:

It was mind blowing to

me when I first saw it.

673

:

I could see where I had done

what she talks about before

674

:

and how it had been so helpful.

675

:

I just didn't realize how healthy it was.

676

:

And how you can do it over and over again.

677

:

So she talks about how, you know, we often

think of stress as the silent killer.

678

:

Stress brings on so many diseases.

679

:

But when you can notice,

That there's stress or that

680

:

there's a stressful situation.

681

:

And I'm trying to think

of how she describes it.

682

:

Cause it's been a while since I watched it

again, but when you don't fear the stress,

683

:

you're like, your blood vessels aren't

as tight, so your blood pressure isn't

684

:

as high, you can be experiencing stress

and maybe you have a higher heart rate.

685

:

Maybe you're breathing a little bit

faster, but you notice that as ways to

686

:

help you deal with whatever's coming

and you don't have all of the adverse

687

:

responses of stress because like the, the

way your body is responding kind of thing,

688

:

like the adverse, those adverse effects.

689

:

Yes.

690

:

So some of those that maybe are

helpful, you can allow, or you're

691

:

just not so stressed about stress.

692

:

Yeah.

693

:

I don't know if you want to like

find that and link to it in the

694

:

show notes cause I love that video.

695

:

We'll link it in the show notes.

696

:

Yeah.

697

:

What was the title of it again?

698

:

How to make stress your friend.

699

:

Okay.

700

:

Kelly McGonigal.

701

:

It just, I love it.

702

:

I love it.

703

:

Yeah.

704

:

I think it kind of comes back to

what we were talking about earlier

705

:

of like, your analogy of the lifting

weights, you know, and having your

706

:

anchor that you come back to, like,

everybody is going to have stress.

707

:

Everybody is going to have things that.

708

:

I don't know, I'll come back to stress

in your life, like that's, it's not

709

:

bad to have stress, you know, I think

sometimes on social media, it seems

710

:

like everybody has things figured

out and so we assume that means they

711

:

don't have stress or they don't have

challenges of any sort and it's like, no.

712

:

We all have our things.

713

:

It's just figuring out ways to,

to manage that in a healthy way

714

:

and to, yeah, make it your friend.

715

:

I love that.

716

:

I'm really excited to listen to that.

717

:

Sorry.

718

:

I'm like, my voice is all going funky.

719

:

And I think it just, it goes back to

too, what I was saying about how in

720

:

my life, when I feel like I have all

these things that I always wanted

721

:

and that I'm grateful for, but.

722

:

They also make my life so hard

and why don't I like them?

723

:

Why don't I like them more if they're

on my things I'm grateful for list?

724

:

Why don't I like them or why doesn't

it make it easy or more exciting to

725

:

just be like, I'm just going to do

this because I'm so glad I'm a mom.

726

:

It's fine.

727

:

And I can't think of how I was

going to just, I was going to

728

:

say that better in my head.

729

:

Sounded better in my head.

730

:

But yeah.

731

:

Anyway, just feel like yeah, this is

part of it and it's not a bad thing

732

:

that some of these things are hard Yeah.

733

:

It doesn't mean that I don't love them,

and it doesn't mean that I'm bad at this.

734

:

Yes.

735

:

It's just of learning each

new stage and doing life

736

:

yes.

737

:

And if I'm not stressed about

it being hard or not liking it

738

:

sometimes, it's a lot easier.

739

:

I could not agree more., I I

feel like once I learned that and

740

:

internalized that, that's when my life.

741

:

Yeah.

742

:

Like flipped and was so much better

is like, yeah, not freaking out

743

:

about every hard thing that happens

or not even every hard thing that

744

:

happens, but not freaking out when I

experience stress or experience stress.

745

:

You know, emotion, normal human

emotions, like feeling fresher with

746

:

my kids doesn't mean I'm a bad mom.

747

:

Mom, it means I'm a human and like,

Oh, kind of coming back to you

748

:

earlier, like, Oh, that's funny.

749

:

Or that's interesting.

750

:

Like, huh, I'm, I'm feeling things

like, what does that mean for me?

751

:

What is that?

752

:

trying to communicate to me?

753

:

Like what?

754

:

Yeah, what needs do I have

that aren't being met?

755

:

Or what's, what's going on here?

756

:

Or what, what changes can I make?

757

:

And then you can actually make changes

instead of freaking out of like, Oh,

758

:

I just can't get my life in order.

759

:

Oh, I can't just get a hold of myself.

760

:

Oh, I just can't get this figured out.

761

:

It's like, you actually

probably have it figured out.

762

:

You're just freaking out that you don't.

763

:

Yes.

764

:

And I love how you're doing that.

765

:

Cause you're, when you feel like you're

doing it well, you're asking yourself

766

:

questions like, what do I need right now?

767

:

Yeah.

768

:

Whatever other questions you're asking.

769

:

Curiosity is the antidote to judgment.

770

:

Because you could be saying, I

can't believe I'm acting this way.

771

:

I can't believe I'm feeling

this way about my kids.

772

:

But instead you're just getting curious.

773

:

Yeah.

774

:

What was that?

775

:

Curiosity is the antidote for judgment.

776

:

For judgment.

777

:

That's true of ourselves

and for other people, right?

778

:

I think we judge other people.

779

:

We could go on a whole topic about

that, but like when you start judging

780

:

other people, if you can take back and

get curious of why they're acting a

781

:

way, whether that's your kids or you

know, in laws or whoever it is, when

782

:

you get curious, it's like, oh yeah,

it helps take away that judgment.

783

:

Yes.

784

:

Okay.

785

:

So kind of, I guess like on that, that

idea of, you know, not being so judgmental

786

:

of yourselves coming back to doom

scrolling, if someone notices that they're

787

:

doom scrolling, how can they let go of.

788

:

any shame that they have and , get

back on track in that moment.

789

:

Just like I talked about in

the meditation, you notice

790

:

a thought and just label it.

791

:

Sometimes I even imagine like

sticking a sticky note on it, a

792

:

post it note that says thinking

just be like thinking and it's on a

793

:

conveyor belt and it just goes by.

794

:

Just Noticing, oh, you know, you

can say, oh, that's funny, or, oh,

795

:

this is interesting, or just label

it distraction and put it away.

796

:

Yeah, just giving it a different

label because there's a subconscious

797

:

label going on that I'm a bad person.

798

:

, I don't have any self control, I,

whatever it is, there's all these

799

:

subconscious labels going on.

800

:

So if you can replace those

labels with distraction, oh.

801

:

Yeah.

802

:

And, like you said, all these things,

you're making it mean about yourself,

803

:

especially if you set goals not to do it

at this time or for this long or whatever.

804

:

And you realizing I didn't meet my goal

or I still made this mistake, even though

805

:

I was really trying hard to be like,

Oh, distraction labeled, let it go.

806

:

And maybe you have a

time where you evaluate.

807

:

your day or your week.

808

:

And that can be a time where then you

problem solve or look at it objectively.

809

:

But right in that moment,

you don't need to judge it.

810

:

I think it helps, like you said, to

put, put a different label on it.

811

:

No meaning right then.

812

:

Yeah.

813

:

Just label it, put it away,

move on for the moment.

814

:

Totally.

815

:

And I think something that some clients

that I've been working with on this

816

:

is like the way that they talk about.

817

:

They're doom scrolling at other

times, like not in the moment, like,

818

:

Oh, I'm so bad with my phone user.

819

:

Oh, I'm, I, I hear that a lot.

820

:

Oh, I'm so bad.

821

:

I, I do scroll the timer.

822

:

Oh, I'm so bad.

823

:

I said I was going to this.

824

:

And then I started doing scrolling

again, even just the way that you

825

:

talk about it at other times is

going to feed into that moment.

826

:

And so at other times replace that label

too, of I'm good with my phone use.

827

:

And sometimes I get distracted, you

know, like, I don't know what you

828

:

want to replace it with, but I think

that can be an example of like a

829

:

nonjudgmental way that you talk about,

your phone use or your scrolling.

830

:

And then whether you're working on it

with a coach or on yourself, journaling or

831

:

just thinking about it later, that's when

you can look at, this is what happened.

832

:

This is maybe what started it or triggered

it and work on those points there.

833

:

But in that moment, I

don't think it's always.

834

:

The time to be problem solving or, you

know, thinking I did this really well

835

:

or this not really well in the moment.

836

:

Yes.

837

:

What do you think?

838

:

Especially because you're

probably turned to it.

839

:

in when you're not in a good place.

840

:

And so unless you can switch back to

a good place pretty quickly, which

841

:

you can get faster that I feel like

that's something I've gotten a lot

842

:

faster at, but more likely than not,

you're not in a great emotional state.

843

:

And so like you say, it's probably not

the best time to, to problem solve.

844

:

Like you say, you want to wait till

you're not so attached to the situation.

845

:

And until you're regulated

emotionally, I would say.

846

:

Yes.

847

:

Great.

848

:

Great.

849

:

So that, that switching the label

of it and just bringing back what

850

:

you shared, but getting curious.

851

:

What am I avoiding?

852

:

Yeah.

853

:

Yeah.

854

:

I thought that was really great, too.

855

:

So good.

856

:

Thank you.

857

:

Mm hmm.

858

:

Okay, this has been so fun.

859

:

Any last things that you want to

touch on I think I've said everything

860

:

I came to say, and it was so fun.

861

:

I'm excited that you invited

me to do this with you.

862

:

Aw, I'm so grateful you'd be willing can

you let my listeners know where they can

863

:

find you and how they can work with you?

864

:

So I know we talk a lot about

dream scrolling on Instagram.

865

:

Instagram is the best way

to find and connect with me.

866

:

So Megan Hubbard coaching is my handle

and Megan is spelled M E A G A N.

867

:

I don't know why my

parents did it that way.

868

:

They don't have a good answer for it.

869

:

That's my name.

870

:

And I do have a website, meganhumper.

871

:

com.

872

:

It's a wonderful work in progress,

but it does have a way to contact

873

:

me there by email and to sign up

for my mindful eating email series

874

:

that I call slow down to speed up.

875

:

And yeah.

876

:

My I receive guided

, meditation recording.

877

:

Oh, I love that.

878

:

And then I currently have three

spots open for one on one clients

879

:

and I just do one to one right now.

880

:

I have no classes running.

881

:

I do a 12 week coaching package and I

also offer the mindful and emotional

882

:

intelligence course, the clarity

catalyst one on one, and that's more

883

:

teaching with some coaching involved.

884

:

So that's, you can go to my Instagram.

885

:

There's a link there to book

a consult or a conversation.

886

:

I would just love to hear from you,

especially if you liked what you heard

887

:

here, if it resonated with them or

help them in some way, they can DM me.

888

:

I would love to hear from them.

889

:

Hey, I love that so much.

890

:

Everybody go check out Megan on

Instagram or yeah, her website..

891

:

I love that.

892

:

Thanks so much.

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About the Podcast

Mindful with Media
This is the podcast for entrepreneurial moms who want to grow a meaningful, profitable business without sacrificing their other priorities (like spending time with their kids or getting enough sleep).

Host Alex Fales—business coach, mindset mentor, and mom—shares honest conversations, simple strategies, and powerful mindset shifts to help you and make money doing work you love and grow as a person while you're at it.

Expect solo episodes, authentic chats, and real-life stories that help you blend business strategy with personal growth, so you can build a business that supports your life (not the other way around).

Because you don’t need more hustle.
You need clarity, confidence, and the courage to do business your way.